The Cobbler’s Kid Had No Shoes

I fell into a classic rut. Working with clients and teaching them how to create the changes they want to see in their lives. How to wake up in the morning, smile and feel good. How to have a voice and to express themselves. How to release the negativity in past memories so they no longer haunt you today.

Except I stopped working on myself. I saw my clients’ lives improving even as I saw mine stop improving; and then slide back into old behaviors of thinking. Like stepping on a banana peel I ended up on my backside wondering how I got back here, again?

This isn’t the first time I have adopted a similar behavior. When I was a line cook in Manhattan I found myself cooking all day in a wonderful restaurant with incredible mouth watering and Instagram worthy edibles. Then I’d walk to the subway (hello rats the size of cats). Take that to the ferry (and try to stay awake on the rocking boat). Take the ferry to bus (less scenic than the ferry, of course). Then drag myself the rest of the way home wanting nothing more than to crawl in bed. Next came my gourmet dinner, microwaved Stouffer’s Mac & Cheese. That’s right, culinary school grad with honors line cook eating frozen dinners night after night. This was not the pinnacle of my cooking career to be sure.

So here we are again, repeating an old pattern. Like well remembered steps to a familiar tune. That was until last week when I recognized it. Back in mac & cheese land I didn’t even know this was a pattern. In fact I probably thought that plaid was a pattern and didn’t associate pattern with behavior at all. I was like the fish in water not knowing it was wet.

It is an uncomfortable wake up call when you notice you’re preaching and not teaching. Like the parent that says “Do as I say not as I do” I lacked congruence. I was not living the example. I gave myself a really stern talking to and set a schedule to do my own self-work every morning, first thing, with a cup of coffee.

Now I have a half hour in the morning where I take out a pen and paper and write down the structure of my thinking, which memories were pertinent and what is holding me back. I’m using the tools I teach to create the shifts I want. I feel so much lighter, more optimistic and in control. I would even be my own client again because I’m in control. To be in control you have to actually take the wheel and not be in the passenger seat squawking like back seat driver searching for the second brake pedal.

I’m tapping and releasing negative emotions, affirming what I want, visualizing what I want without that back talk that happens when you haven’t addressed your inner reality. As I release my own negative emotions and the memories that are the resources for them, I empty the metaphoric cup of what I don’t want and pour in the resources for what I do want. I’m decluttering my mind. It feels good to be back in the saddle again.

If I were a cobbler and I had a kid they’d definitely have a fine pair of shoes.

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