THE GAMES THAT PLAY US
It’s that time, people. It’s that time! The summer, the heat, the restlessness, mischief in the air; the time of awakening; when all you think about is kissing someone for 3 hours straight! Eh.
Time to feel, love, to lust, to get consumed in someone else! But somehow with that time, it comes that other time that mostly sounds like this:
Everything was great but then he just didn’t text me one day…
We had so much fun and he just didn’t call me…
I don’t know what happened, he was texting me all the time, and then all of a sudden he just doesn’t respond to me…”
…and so on.
If I get a dollar for every time a girlfriend calls me and yaps in my ear about some guy that didn’t text or call, or is behaving unexplainable to her; I’d be having many dollars right about now.
Sound familiar, what I’m saying? Of course it does. I read something interesting the other day:
People are not even entering relationships anymore, they are entering the “situationships”.
Its all just a game, ladies, and they are just better at it.
My friends of a female origins often ask me how come I never really sweat guys too much. To be honest, I will hiss at someone if he’s being a total douchebag, but that’s all I’ll do. Few sentences. Realization. Self-respect. Move on. You will never see me devastated for weeks and months because someone didn’t text me back in approximately 1.2 minues; simply — no guy can devastate me. And not because I’m so great, evolved, elevated and amazeballs; it’s because I figured out the game; I broke it down, I understood it.
This relationship (or situationship) game is just that = a game. It’s an equation, and I really want to shake down all the beautiful women I know who are suffering because of some undeserving idiot every day, and I want to explain to them, break it down for them, to just not engage in the game. Or at least to UNDERSTAND the game.
Hence this post. I can’t talk to all of you personally, so here!
How did I come to this state of not entering a famous guy-related despair? Simply because I have no time nor energy, because I love myself just enough, and because I’m at the point in my life when I’m super tired of anything not resembling smooth sailing, when human contact is concerned. Every time I enter a “situationship”, if it starts looking and feeling like Jane Austin type social manipulation plan, I check out.
Second, and most important part of my current state of clarity and realisation — is a sentence I heard in the ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ series that completely changed my life, my view of relations between men and women; I strongly think that sentence is the holy grail of understanding the Game:
MEN NEED TO BE LOVED. WOMEN ONLY NEED TO BE WANTED.
Think about that sentence for a moment. In that sentence lies the alpha and omega! That is the core of understanding the Game, and if you can get it, you can cure yourself of heartbreak. Actually not cure, but rather — prevent it! As much as percentually possible; we can never fully rid ourselves from heartbreak, but we can cure ourselves from the idiotic “situationship” Game that plays us.
Let’s think about it for a second. Men are weird. And difficult. And they have issues, and ego and frustrations, and you really need to love a man with all the fuck-up-ness they produce; most of them act like children, they just need to be loved, feel loved; to thrive.
Now think about what actually annoys you in a guy. When he didn’t text you. Because he didn’t want to, hence didn’t want you. When he didn’t call you. Because he didn’t want to, hence didn’t want you. When he cheated on you. Because he wanted someone else, hence didn’t want you.
THINK about it. You are only pissed when you’re not WANTED. You are never pissed because someone doesn’t love you, women don’t even know how to measure love. We measure love in being WANTED. He wants you around, he needs you, he wants to have sex with you, kiss you, talk to you, its love, right? Yes, but the premisses is — YOU ARE WANTED. The love of a man towards woman is measured in — wanted.
Let’s go back a song. Meeting someone comes in 3 phases. Woman do phases in order of 1, 2, 3. Men do phases in order 3, 2, 1. Only in the middle, you both are on a same page, so called the best, honeymoon period. When a women meets a guy, she needs a second to get into into the fold. Men are into it right from the top! Plus, men are hunters. You’re not feeling them in the beginning, I mean you like them and all, but you also need a tiny bit of time to fall for someone. Correct? They’re on top of you, pursuing you like maniacs, but you need your space, you’re maybe thinking about your other options, meanwhile, he, the man, he wants you so so so badly because you are not quite there yet.
Then you slowly get into in, he got you in, that’s a phase 2, and that is the best time that you want to keep forever! You both have just enough amount of wanting each other while still maintaining the self. Then he, the man slowly slows down his intensity, knowing he got you; just as you are starting to get into it seriously and way to intensely! You entered the phase 3, and he entered the phase 1; the same one you started with, the chillax one. Phase 1 is — you like him, but you know you got him, so you are chill, confident, fun, not clingy or needy; and that’s what men adore.
How many times you got together with someone so into you, someone that was pursuing you so hard that you had to fight him off with sticks, and when you finally surrender, he all of a sudden chills, relaxes, is not pursuing you that hard all of a sudden, not texting you 24/7 like before he got it; and you’re left stupid, wondering WTF is going on?
And while you’re having an Olympic gymnastic routine going in your head at that moment; contemplating calling the police, the FBI and the Avengers on a guy; thinking about suing him for breach of contract of not having the same level of intensity toward you as from the first moment; the game just played you.
How to prevent this predicament, this sorrow and unwantedness? Be aware. Like right now! Know it. Predict it. Play it.
Think about the sentence again — Men need to be loved. Women need to be wanted. The fact he did not want to call you or see you or text you MADE you think you want him more that you probably do. The guy was Boresville, USA when you met, you were thinking whether you should even go for it (they ALWAYS pull this shit off), but now HE’s pulling YOUR leg? You’re starring at your silent phone while he’s living it up?
This is us women. The guy is so much hotter, sexier, buffer, smarter and irreplaceable when he doesn’t text. Or give a fuck. Aren’t his eyes bluer when he doesn’t call? Aren’t his muscles bigger and his hair fluffier when he messes with you? I swear we, women have a broken chip in our brain making us love the things about the guy we ourselves invented in our minds!
And while you’re in your phase 3 and he’s in his phase 1; you are unable to re-enter the world, waiting for this sorrow to pass so that you can complete the brutal reintroduction to your old stress free, guy free, text waiting free life; I tell you, there’s a plus side.
Being aware. You can avoid all this, you can train yourself, by being aware. You need to stay in phase 2. Do not enter a phase 3, ever. Only enter a phase 3 when you connect at that specific once in a lifetime (or maybe almost twice if you’re lucky) level where you know you’re made from the same cloth and nothing matters; not the phases, not the wanting, loving, muscles, eyes or fluffy hair.
Until then, avoid the phase 3. Never fully surrender. You can’t win. It’s all just a game, and as I said, they are designed to be better at it. Also, don’t try to explain this to them verbally. You’ll fail. You need to play the game, not let the game play you. Always keep your sense of self! After all, guys have a special superpower, nah, not the spider sense or super speed; their super power is believing in their own bullshit. Men can pretty much all enter The Justice League of beliving in their own combined bullshit! You’re wasting your air and time trying to reason. You need to show. They need to be loved, you need to be wanted.
Always be wanted. And when you feel you’re exiting the wanted zone, go get wanted by someone else. Throw the game off. That someone else doesn’t have to be someone you actually want, or will do anything with; you just need them in your radius to throw off the first one, the one you do want. Simple, right?! MAKE IT simple.
In order to undo someone, do someone else.
Not anyone’s quote. That one is actually mine. Pretty proud at that one, too.
Let me tell you what you do. And this are not instructions for when you’re really in love and in real relationship, I don’t approve or support any games there. Honesty and truth, all the way there. Love is all there is. These “instructions” are only for “situationships”. When there’s games involved. Trust me the DO TO UNDO rule is gold.
I’m known for that move. All my life I threw guys off balance with another one. When you start feeling you’re going deep, and the one you like is shady or weird, or not responding like you’re used to, or in the way he should; go have a drink or dinner with someone else, an ex, someone that likes you, someone you might liked before, or someone you’re not sure about. That person is NOT the one you want to deal with at that moment, but that exact moment throws your energy in the different direction; you’ll get occupied with something else, which levels you out, so you don’t go surround sound bitching and crazy pants at the one you like.
Try it. It’s a golden move, and has a 95 % success rate. Remember, they need to be loved. You need to be wanted. Always be wanted from some side; throw the energy, be distracted with someone else, to get wanted from the side you actually want to be wanted from.
Play the game! And don’t forget to want AND love yourself first.
Make me proud.
Originally published at mirandavidak.com on July 1, 2015.