Things I’ve learned so far in 2016

2016 is almost halfway gone and I’ve already had the worst and best year of my life. I’ll spare the details for this post and just get right into it. Here’s what I’ve learned so far this year:

1. Age means nothing.

No, I’m not a newly self-identified cougar or sugar baby. I’m only referring to the misconception that age cultivates maturity. This year, I have met 13-year-olds who think like 30-year-olds and 30-year-olds who think like 13-year-olds. I think maturity is based mostly on nature, but also on nurture and experience.

Some people are born with an 80-year-old soul (like my brother) and have no choice but to see the world through an experienced lens. (Sidebar example: when we were kids, we decided to run away from home together, but turned around once we got to the corner because his 8-year-old brain had already figured out that it was a terrible idea.) Of course, most people gain maturity through upbringing and life experience. And then there’s some people who sort of just float around the same mindset for a majority of their life and never really develop a new sense of maturity — I mean, how else is Donald Trump about to become the Republican presidential candidate?

With all that being said, I’ve learned that age means nothing and a child can easily be more reasonable, communicative, and respectful than an adult.

2. Basketball is still the greatest sport in the world.

The 2015–2016 NBA season is almost over, but in just this year, we have witnessed some pretty cool things. The Warriors beat the ’96 Bulls’ record by going 73–9 during the regular season (big whoop). On the very same night, Kobe Bryant said goodbye to the game and closed out a 20-year career by dropping 60 points (whatever). Demarcus Cousins had a career-high 56 points and the Sacramento Kings franchise somehow manged to not self-implode and completely destroy themselves and their faithful fan base (amazing, wow, 10/10, would recommend)! And to top it all off, we were blessed with the dopest dunk contest that no one saw coming thanks to Aaron Gordon (his second dunk should’ve won the whole thing). So, overall, the NBA remains great.

On a smaller scale, this year I’ve really gotten myself neck-deep in coaching girls’ basketball and have learned to appreciate the game in a new light. So now is the time where I publicly acknowledge and apologize to my own childhood coaches for the frustration and torment you went through — Harvey Tahara and Constantine Acejas, you deserve a round of applause…and a beer.

I do truly love the game and am grateful to have a new way to appreciate and learn from it through coaching. Every chance I get, I preach to my girls: “Ball is life, but ball is not life.” Think about it long enough and it will make sense. Once you figure it out, you will also agree that basketball is the greatest sport in the world.

3. Do what you love, but it doesn’t have to be your job.

I’ve always felt this enormous pressure to get into a career that I’m passionate about or else I will never be happy. Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life, right?

This year, I realized that my passion is in writing. Yet, every day, I wake up and go work as a civil engineer for ten hours. So according to all those cliche quotes about happiness, I’m doomed to a long life of misery, unfulfillment, and regret. I’m calling bullshit. I love writing, but I also like engineering. So every day I get to enjoy (& admittedly sometimes hate) being an engineer, and every night I come home and enjoy my passion through writing.

I realized that if I were to pursue a career in writing, I would inherently be placing monetary value to what I love. Money has a way of sucking the fun out of most things, and I want to always love to write. That’s why I don’t think you necessarily have to have a job that you’re passionate about. It’s okay to like your job and love your passion separately.

4. My parents were always right.

I hope Pauline and Ronnie never see this, because then I’ll have to kill them. (Just kidding.)

I’m 23 now and will semi-reluctantly admit that my parents were always right. About everything. Well, everything with the exception being the time Pauline was convinced my arm wasn’t broken and made me bike 3 miles home only to later take me to get casted up for 6 weeks the next morning. (Never letting you live that one down, P.)

The best thing about my parents is that they’ve never changed — 28 years of being parents and they’re still pretty badass at it. They’ve always led by example and that’s how I’ve always learned from them. They taught through action, so when the time came, they only encouraged and never forced me to do the right thing.

I have realized this year that every little decision I thought I had made on my own to get me to where I am now was always influenced by the wisdom of my parents. So, yes, they essentially inception-ed me my whole life. Anything I have accomplished is because of them. DAMN IT, they’re good.

5. People view love differently.

I had always thought that we all want the same kind of love.

I believe love is being able to trust someone with your every dimension. I believe love is finding happiness in giving, rather than receiving. I believe love is enduring and fighting through the uncomfortable because nothing feels better than the consistency of that person’s radiance. I believe love is choosing to grow with someone, even if you don’t believe in yourself yet — because that person believes in you and will fight like hell for you, always. This is what I believe love is and this is the kind of love I want.

I know people who also see love in the same way that I do. But, this year, I’ve learned that some people do not view love in this way. Some define love with different words, feelings, and expectations than I do. It’s been eye-opening to realize this — I’ve learned that I will always respect other people and their different definitions of what love should be, I just can’t fall in love with them.

6. To feel is a blessing, not a curse.

There were moments this year where I wished I couldn’t feel — I was willing to give up feelings of peace and happiness as long as I didn’t have to feel pain anymore. To feel as deeply as I did seemed like an unfair curse. But this year, I realized that being able to feel at this magnitude is a blessing.

Life is a continuous cycle of breakthroughs and breakdowns. There will always be great times just as surely as there will be bad times. To feel the genuine intensities of what both bring to your life is what makes and cultivates your heart. Your empathy, compassion, vulnerability, and ability to love are all grown through how deeply you feel and embrace these moments.

I am grateful for my pain, just as much as I am grateful for my bliss, because I know it’s what builds my soul and grows my heart.