From Graphic Designer to UX: A Mighty Quest, ch. 4

I went to my first Meetup last night, a UX book club gathering. I found out about it too late to read the book but I was told to just go anyway and use it to listen in on the thought processes and get to know the group.

The grins I had to stifle almost got the better of me, I will tell you. Having been the lone wolf creative at every job I’ve held where art was required, it’s been lonesome. When I succeeded, I succeeded alone. When I failed, I failed alone. When I had to defend, I defended alone. I’ve had some great bosses and some terrible ones, but what I’ve always lacked is collaboration.

We took our places in a circle in a new, gorgeous modern office space in downtown Chicago. The sort that has four hip refrigerators worth more than my car and possibly half the cost of my college education, stocked with mostly whatever you could want. Ping pong, Jenga, couches calling for free-thinking relaxation, collaboration space, solitary space, hanging chairs, TVs, meeting rooms, putting green… you get the idea. I hid it well, but inside I felt like a tourist seeing Manhattan for the first time: it can be like this? Sadly, it made coming to work today in my cubicle-ridden, isolationist, dated office a pretty big bummer.

As I sat and listened to the amazing voices full of wisdom, experience and knowledge that I hoped to have one day, I felt two things: excitement at my intended future and the keen awareness that I’m not ready for it yet. The rejection email I received today from one of the positions I applied for didn’t help, but it didn’t sting because I sort of expected it. I’m too green and I think my portfolio in part, reflects it. Any job that takes me on will have to hold my hand and few are willing to do that. It would be a terrible feeling to walk into a job I want desperately to go well and feel like I fail at every turn. I’ve been there, it was awful, and the first and only time I cried in the bathroom is the day I decided to leave it. Originally, I hadn’t intended to apply anywhere until September, that was probably a wise move from the get that I somehow overrode.

I still have two resumes floating out there and an email into a recruiter, but I don’t expect anything out of any of them. If the job I phone interviewed for this week wants to pursue me, I will be as blunt with them as possible about my skills, experience. If they still want me then I have some thinking to do. It feels peaceful and I have a little relief so I think it’s the right move to step back. This weekend I will move my work over to a new portfolio site that is seamless and pretty, tweak my resume and letter, and wait until it feels right to try again. In the meantime, I will keep going to meetups and talk to people and in time something will come my way when I’m ready for it.