Life is dynamic; everything is in motion
Life is dynamic; everything is in motion. Relationships and loyalties ebb and flow over time, moving in relation to everything else, responding to the forces at hand.
As a coach, I’m always curious about this particular type of systemic motion. Clients regularly talk to me about ‘stuckness’, dis-ease and upset in their lives and very often this is connected to these relationship dynamics. Through coaching work, we can begin to see more of what’s going on. One of the ways we can do this is by spatially mapping the question at hand, either literally or figuratively, making a ‘3-D representation’ of the system as such. This methodology highlights the often-unseen dynamics and unspoken truth of what’s happening, and from that place a move towards ‘better’ can be made, if so desired.
When we work in this way, we’re particularly interested in how the elements of the system are relating to each other in three specific ways:
1) Distance — how close or far away things are from each other
2) Orientation — which way things are facing, and
3) Direction — in which way they are moving, if at all.
These bits of data tell us huge amounts about the truth of what is, painful though it may be, and also give insight in to how, if at all, questions may be asked, challenges resolved, or stucknesses unblocked.
Over time, I’ve come to be able to more naturally ‘see’ the many systems in life in this way: teams, families, friendship groups, even organisations. I can stand back and observe the realities, patterns and movements at play — this skill is not only key to my work, but has changed my life, and all for the better.
I’ve learned so much about the systems I personally belong to and have begun to make some sense of the things that keep me stuck. This new lens on life has enabled me to start letting go of what I need to so I can heal what’s wounded. Watching my world from the outside-in, as well as experiencing it from the inside-out is strengthening me; it’s deepening my relationships, enabling me to speak my truth more clearly, show more kindness towards others and lean in to the tough stuff more gracefully. Now I see the system more clearly, I’m surer of my own place in it, more cognisant of what’s going on around me, clearer about what belongs and what doesn’t and know what’s mine and what isn’t. Its not always easy, but it’s clearer and more true.
So I choose to hold my place lightly, be strong in my roots, but able to bend in the wind. I notice the periphery and take a 360 view of my world. I strengthen my voice, so others can hear me clearly, I enquire in to what’s happening, get curious about what’s shifted. I ask better questions, I lean in and I listen. Most importantly, as I honour my own place, so I respect the place of others — if they’re where they need to be, then everything in the system is as it should be, and life is in flow.
When you consider the systems to which you ‘belong’ and the dynamics within these systems, there is so much to learn. Try these questions to start your enquiry:
· To what systems do you belong?
· To whom or what do you feel loyal?
· Where is your place?
· If you look at your life from the outside-in, what do you see?
· What patterns do you notice?
If you want to deepen your enquiry in to any of these questions or others, I’m available for one-to-one coaching sessions, where we can do this together.
Take care for now, Laura
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