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I loved him/ I hated him/ I loved him/ I hated him/

He let the concussion fester causing me untold issues/

He took me in my confusion/

I loved him/ I hated him/ I did not understand/ my brain couldn’t make sense/

Trust is gone/ I want to die/ I want to live/ I don’t care/ I won’t live long/ death by cop is my likely epitaph/

I let people come close/ then I push them away/

I want to like and love/ but liking and loving is pain to me/

Alone I can be me/ I want more but am afraid of more/ so I stay alone/

I can disappear into what I love to do in the moment/ it brings me peace for a while/ the pain and hurt abate for a time/ then reality intrudes…..