South Africa: Raw & Uncut

South Africa: Raw & Uncut

(Awe, please make sure you read the definitions at the bottom first so you understand the words used in the piece below, enkosi)

Look South Africa is a dope country we are filled with many diverse people and we are able to express ourselves and explore all avenues of things we would like to go into so the opportunities are there, if you ask me. Our country is able to grow with this new generation coming up and standing for what they believe in. We have about 11 official languages and one unofficial (Gham) so we could say in terms of diversity we are set.

Now growing up as a black kid in South Africa, our hairstyles have always been on point and have grabbed people’s attentions with the amount of things we can do but we as dark in complexation and have struggle hair kids should stick to our fades or cheese kop this whole combover thing is not working. I am a fan of the phrase “You do, you fam” but when it comes to hairstyles, combovers are not working for us my black brothers because you look like a young Donald Trump with a afdak, I’m not hating on your style, maybe it does help in winter cause the rain won’t be in your face. Something you need to accept is that you won’t be able to flick your hair or go swimming without lotion because you need to moisturise afterwards, but you can make it super shiny with that vasiline and that is alright plus at school your friends can express how much they care about you with that traditional slap on your head called a blessing.

South Africa is just so different, I mean we can basically do our own grocery shop without even getting out of our cars all we have to do is pull up at the robots with your shopping list ready and go for it, plus you can purchase your very own fire pool. Then we get those amazing taxi, basically the cars on the road that have their own rules. The one thing that I do like is that they apply soccer formation as seating arrangement “ 4–4–2 please, asiblief Sisi” and how can I forget that magical chair (laptop) that just appears out of nowhere like a speed trap on the national roads. After the magic chair is placed between the other chairs, all of a sudden you get taken back by the person’s size that has to sit in that small gap, let’s just say that person is well built, and you look at the gartyie with the a “You must joking face” as he ushers this person to sit in that gap. Personally, I pick my seat based on the following things; does the taxi have a gartyie and how much does it cost, my reasoning for this is because if it doesn’t have a gartyie and I’m sitting in front, I automatically become one for the driver but I also dodge that well-built person sitting half on the seat and the other half on my leg, and if it costs an odd number or has a fifty cent in it then aint no way I’m sitting in front cause I don’t trust my maths game fam. You watch how people sit there and crack under pressure as they use their fingers to calculate what R7.50 plus R7.50 is and if they are giving the correct change.

Apart from the weird hairstyles and taxi rules, we should be able to buy Gatsbys plus a 2L Jive online and delivered to our door steps, which will honestly change our lives. In conclusion, we should be proud of the amazing country we have and the amazing things we can do in it. We are rich in culture and every single day you learn something new which always amazes me, where ever you go there will always be something that makes you laugh or simply puts a smile on your face. In the famous words of our Minster of Sports and Recreations, Fikile Mbalula, we as South Africans “are a bunch of winners”

Mitch Matyana

Definitions:

  • Gham: A slang used mostly in Cape Town
  • Dope: Cool or Awesome
  • Afdak(Afrikaans word): A structure built to cover a certain part outside your home
  • Fire Pool: When you use tax payers money to build a pool.
  • Asiblief: Afrikaans for please also the only Afrikaans word I know #FunFact
  • Gartyie: Sliding door operator in a taxi also usually collects your money and is kak rude.
  • Gatsby: A French roll filled with food like chips, lettuce, tomatoes, chicken, steak, you name it and it’s there. You can only cut it in 4, 3 or 2, if you cut it in 8 then we know you on a budget and that one friend that always wants a piece but never contributes to payment give him the end.
  • Mitch Matyana: Writer, radio personality, MC, Idris Alba and Channing Tatum stand in.