Anthony Patterson
Aug 8, 2017 · 3 min read

You don’t Love me.

PARENTAL ADVISORY

WARNING VULNERABLE CONTENT

It hurts that we’ve known each other for so long. Usually, after 20 or so years, some kind of bond forms. Maybe you’ve learned to just put up with me. I wish you would try forgiving me. I wish you’d give me time to explain.

I get it. You’re hurting. I’ve been hurting too. You have to want to be healthy. The longer you wait to fix things, the worse they become. Scar tissue builds up and it can stay with you years after you get the help you need.

Trust me when I say this, I’m worth loving. Why are you so afraid of that? I couldn’t abandon you if I tried. It’s not how I was designed.

But here we are. If you want to be angry that’s fine. But for the Love of God, stop neglecting me. It doesn’t help anyone.

Move on.

Stop holding on to all those painful memories. It’s not good for you.

You don’t believe me but I do know what’s best for you. You always push me away and sulk. I never told anyone all those dreams you shared with me. I never laughed at your heartache, gossiped about your misfortunes or even revealed who you had a crush on.

But you still don’t trust me. You still don’t love me.

You’ll hug anyone else but you don’t hug me. I’m not jealous either. Because I know I deserve it. I can’t make you want me. You have to do that on your own.

But here we are. If you want to be angry that’s fine. But for the Love of God, stop rejecting me. You’ll never see the best of me.

Can’t you see that I want you to prosper? I want you to win. I want all of your small dreams to plant seeds and grow into dream trees with roots everlasting. I want your days to be filled with air, not gasping on fumes.

I want you to be better. I want you to stop sleeping with tombs.

You’re not dead.

Wake up.

Live.

Do what you told me you wanted to do as a kid.

I wish you could see my tears flow on this page.

Did you even feel anything when we were together? Wounds don’t heal with age or time. Infections prosper when left unattended. My heart doesn’t beat like it used to.

The least you could do is write. You know I love a great story.

But now it’s like I don’t exist. You still don’t love me.

And all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. Because when you’re happy, I’m happy.

When you succeed, I succeed. When you’re filled with joy, I’m filled too.

I remember the day you were born. You were filled with so much joy that nothing could subside it. You’ve spent every day since trying to hide it.

You fight it with so much pressure. You’ve started to believe that you’re incapable of being loved. You believe that you’re somehow lesser.

I pray things get better. When you decide to love yourself, you won’t have to let me know.

One day, things between us won’t be so cold.

I love you.

Sincerely,

Your Soul.

Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.There is no commandment greater than these.”

Anthony Patterson

Written by

Jesus Follower. Poet. Sports Junkie & Jack-of-all-trades.

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