The Blinkers* of Privilege

Say you’re going about your day, walking down the street, maybe getting in line for the subway. As you’re minding your business, someone says “excuse me, you’re standing my foot.” What do you do?:

• a) say “I’m sorry”, and move off their foot.
• b) ignore them
• c) stare at them for being so rude as to interrupt you
• d) tell them they’re wrong & you are not standing on their foot

I think we can all agree that “a” is really the only appropriate response.

But what if you’re going about your day, minding your own business & all of a sudden you hear someone yell at you “get off my motherfucking foot, asshole!” Does that change your responding action? Do you:

• a) apologize & move off their foot
• b) reprimand them for yelling and/or cursing
• c) continue to stand on their foot until they ask you nicely
• d) insult them

You might be a bit ticked off that they’re yelling and/or cursing, but I think we can still all agree that “a” is still the only appropriate response.

Now imagine that as you go about your business, that day after day, week after week, you frequently encounter people who tell you that you are standing on their foot. The problem is, you never see this supposed foot stepping. You have some options about what you choose to believe:

• a) there are a bunch of delusional people in the world who keep placing themselves into your path
• b) there are a bunch of people who have had their foot stepped on in the past, so they’re overly sensitive & interpret any physical movement near their feet as someone stepping on their foot
• c) for some reason you can’t quite figure out, you can’t see your feet, so you miss it whenever you step on someone’s foot.

Go back over those choices again. Which is the most logical one? If you picked a or b, sorry try again.

The correct answer is “c”. Welcome to your invisible blinkers. AKA “privilege”.

What exactly is privilege? From dictionary.com:

• 1. a right, immunity, or benefit enjoyed only by a person beyond the advantages of most: the privileges of the very rich.
• 2. a special right, immunity, or exemption granted to persons in authority or office to free them from certain obligations or liabilities: the privilege of a senator to speak in Congress without danger of a libel suit.
• 3. a grant to an individual, corporation, etc., of a special right or immunity, under certain conditions.
• 4. the principle or condition of enjoying special rights or immunities.
• 5. any of the rights common to all citizens under a modern constitutional government: We enjoy the privileges of a free people.
• 6. an advantage or source of pleasure granted to a person: It’s my privilege to be here.”

The layperson’s definition in terms of social justice is much simpler: privilege is unearned benefits that you receive because of your status (mostly) at birth (there are some privileges that can be given to you through efforts of your own). The key to privilege is that it comes at someone else’s expense. When you have a particular privilege, society values you more than someone without that privilege. You have no choice about having the privilege, & while it’s pretty rad to have permanent benefits bestowed upon you because of who you are (rather than what you do, or what you contribute to society), the other down side of privilege is that it gives you a limited view of the world. Essentially, you are wearing surgically implanted blinkers that prevent you from seeing the whole world as it is. You only see your narrow portion of the world.

Power

In this analogy, I’m specifically alluding to the things that racehorses & carriage horses are forced to wear to limit the horse’s ability to take in information. These blinkers are put on the horse by someone who has power over the horse, to further that person’s goals, which may or may not be the horse’s goals. The person believes that the blinkers keep the horse from receiving information that might prevent the horse from meeting that person’s goals. Oftentimes the person placing the blinkers on the horse doesn’t give a shit about what the horse’s goals are. Sometimes however, the person in charge of placing the blinker on the horse is actually subsuming the horse’s desires — for example to run fast — into their own goals.

But make no mistake, the blinkers are created by those in power to further their goals of staying in & hoarding power. If those wearing the blinkers made an effort to see, know, & understand the things those in power don’t want them to see, know, & understand; the blinkers would eventually become useless.

Privilege

These blinkers range from the pretty simple, to the rather ornate. The more privileges you have, the more elaborate your blinkers. So a cisgender**, white, educated, wealthy, heterosexual, (currently) able-bodied, Christian male between the ages of 30–60, who was born an American citizen has a way more elaborate and limiting set of blinkers than a transgender, illiterate, lesbian, Muslim, poor, undocumented immigrant of color over 60 who uses a wheelchair.

As I said earlier, these blinkers are permanently attached to your face, you cannot get rid of them — not without a concerted effort of the majority to completely change the current social structure. What you can do is learn to see your own blinkers; and see past them to a more accurate view of other people’s realities. The bonus to the latter is it allows you to navigate better so you can avoid stepping on other peoples toes.

Microaggressions***

So what am I talking about with this foot-stepping analogy? I’m talking about microaggressions. What are microaggressions? They are statements & behaviors from people with a particular privilege that set up those without that particular privilege to be “othered”, without using obvious slurs or otherwise obvious hateful language. Often microaggressions are not intended to be hurtful, much like no one intends to step on other people’s toes. But just like stumbling onto someone else’s toes while running for the bus, intention is irrelevant. That person’s feet still take on some damage from your actions.

Sometimes when you step on someone’s foot, you’re wearing sandals, and the “steppee” has on motorcycle boots, so inconvenient maybe, but no harm done. But sometimes you’re wearing steel-toed work boots, and the “steppee” is wearing flip-flops. With bandaged toes from the damage of being stepped on several times earlier that week. Or their toes have been broken so many times that they’ve never healed properly. Don’t you want to avoid stepping on that person’s foot? And you can’t tell what state any random person’s toes are in, so wouldn’t you agree that it’s just better to avoid the possibility?

The Work

Ok, so you can’t get rid of the blinkers, so what do you do? Well, imagine that if you hold your head just so, you can actually see your blinkers, and if you move at a slower pace, you can actually see past your blinkers. You have to do this all of your waking moments. Sure you can decide that you don’t want to do that work, but you need to admit to yourself & to others that you just don’t want to; that you simply don’t care enough to shoulder some burden in order to make the world a more equitable place. That is your choice, but don’t expect others (namely the people whose toes you keep stepping on, and possibly the other people who are willing to hold their heads at that awkward angle, and moderate their walking speed) to have any sympathy for you.

What do you do when you get tired of this constant holding your head just so, and walking at this slower pace? Because it is work, and it can be exhausting. It is totally fine to admit that. But it’s definitely better to complain about that to the other people with matching blinkers, and maybe not so much to the people whose toes you might step on if you weren’t doing the work.

Also there will be times when you won’t be giving it your all. Maybe you’re in a hurry, maybe you’re hangry, maybe you feel like you just got too much else going on. Don’t expect sympathy from the people whose feet you then step on. Don’t expect the fact that you do hold your head just so the other 85% of the time to eliminate the injury. In fact, don’t even mention that you usually walk slower & hold your head at an awkward angle. Just get off their foot, apologize, & move on.

Now What

So how do you go about learning to hold your head just so & moderate your speed so that you can see your blinkers and/or other people’s feet? Google things like “white privilege”, “heterosexual privilege”, “able-bodied privilege”, etc. There will be some results saying that those don’t exist (avoid any piece using the term “Social Justice Warriors” or “politically correct” as a perjorative). Find others who share your privilege & are also working to see & dismantle that privilege (or at the very least are committed to stepping on fewer toes).

Here’s a pro-tip: if you never feel uncomfortable when reading about the privilege(s) you have, you’re not reading the right pieces; if you never feel uncomfortable discussing the privilege(s) you have, you’re not having the right discussions, or not having them with the right people. It should feel uncomfortable to realize that rules that benefit you are given to you at the expense of others. It should feel uncomfortable to realize that your very discomfort is a sign of how invested you are in this unjust status quo. There is no way to move to a level playing field without giving up your privilege. That will be uncomfortable at best, and painful at worst. But a Just world is more than worth it.

Notes:

I am not the person who came up with the “microaggressions=foot-stepping’ analogy, but it’s an analogy used quite often in the areas of the interwebs that I frequent.

*Blinkers are most often referred to as “blinders”. However, the way we use the word “blind” when we are not talking about visual impairment is highly problematic. We use it to mean “not understanding”, “unable or unwilling to perceive”. Language has meaning beyond dictionary definitions & words become coded & often we are unaware that on a deep subconscious level, we are equating things that are not actually equivalent. While blinders are used to limit the range of the horse’s vision, that’s still not the same the horse having a visual impairment.

**Cisgender means that you agree with the gender designation you were given at birth. I am cisgender because when I was born I was assigned the gender of “female” & I agree with that designation.

***When I first conceived of this piece in my head several years ago, it was in response to some pretty grievous microaggressions that occurred in a group in which I was the only person of color present. But it applies to all the ways we with various privileges move through the world, including committing blatant macroaggressions. Click here for a pretty basic Microaggressions 101.

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M’kali-Hashiki is a Renegade Sexual Mystic; A Tour Guide to the realm of Eros; & a Teacher of Somatic Erotic Possibilities. She holds certifications in Sexological Bodywork; Sound, Voice, & Music Healing; and Tantric Sacred Intimacy. A published essayist; a former professional social justice organizer; and an Ifa devoteé, she believes the sexual & the spiritual are irrevocably intertwined. Her politics, spirituality, and lived experience as a queer, feminist, polyamourous, middle-aged, fat, kinky, Black Femme Dyke trauma survivor inform all aspects of her work.

She is the author of the popular ebook “Turn Your Junk Into Treasure: Five Steps To Deepening Your Relationship With Your Nethers”. She offers both individual sessions & transformational group journeys helping QTIPOC & allied folk access their erotic energy for radical transformation fuel. She also offers Enstatic Breathwork™ For Collaboration & Employee Wellness to companies & social justice non-profits.

For more information on her work, visit her website: FiercePassions