2nd Year Without You
2 years ago on this very date, I got a call that would forever change my life. I still remember vividly sitting by the stairwell wondering why my dad was calling so early. The conversation was very short and his words about my mom’s passing will forever stick with me.
I remember slumping, trying to rationalize what had just happened. I can never wish such pain on anyone and for days I might as well have been dead. I lost purpose and passion for life, days before embarking on a graduate program that my mom had been very instrumental in me enrolling for.
I was unsure of how I’d cope, but cope I did. Its been two years, and I have learned a lot about myself and the world I live in. I have gone through some trials that I wish my mom were by my side to help me with. Her advice during the toughest of times has always been helpful. A mother’s role can never be replaced, and as great as my dad has and will always be, he can only do so much.
My family continues to solider on. We have made peace with her passing. Yet on days like these, we cannot ignore what she meant to us, and the gaping hole she left behind.
One of my biggest fears has always been losing sight of who she was, forgetting details as the years pile on, memories eroded by time.
Unlike my siblings, I left home early and because of that, I never spent as much time as they did with her. Yet I know each of us misses her in our own special way. I think of my father, and what it must be like to lose one’s best friend at such a defining point in their lives. I think about all the triumphs and accomplishments ahead, and how our family will have to deal with the fact that there’s no mom to celebrate with us.
For those of us who believe in life after death, there’s always the consolation that one day, we will all see again. Its not much to go by right now, I still have moments when I keep asking why did she have to go?
Said question will never be answered and we must deal with the consequences of her loss. If there’s one lesson to be learned from all this, its the fact that there are no guarantees in life. I never for one second thought my mom would die at 50. I had always imagined she’d be there at my wedding, the birth of my kids, my triumphs, at my graduation (especially since she was so instrumental at me going back for my master’s) and many more important periods in the life of me and my siblings.
Alas such is not the case, and we will make do without her at said functions and events. What we won’t do is forget her. She was simply too great of a human being to be discarded to the recesses of our memories. My mother meant a lot to me, and I hope I can use my life to reflect the amazing lessons she taught and imparted in me. Rest in peace ma, God bless you.