What’s your pink cupcake?

A few weeks ago, a substitute teacher at my son’s daycare brought in cupcakes for everyone. (I’m not sure giving sugar to a room full of preschoolers is a smart choice, but that’s beside the point.) There are five boys and five girls in the class, so she brought ten cupcakes; five pink and five white.

My son’s favorite color is pink. In fact, he recently asked me to paint his bedroom pink and purple. He wears a pink hoodie, owns pink Ugg-style boots, and sleeps in pink pajamas. You can guess which cupcake he wanted.

However, before he could speak up, the teacher gave the boys the white cupcakes, and girls the pink cupcakes. To say my son was livid is an understatement.

“Why do the boys have to have white?” he said. “Boys can like pink, too! We should be able to pick the color we want, and I want a pink cupcake!”

Fortunately, one of the girls was willing to trade with him. Crisis averted. But that day, my wife and I learned some valuable lessons about our son; that he is willing to stand up for himself, and that he already has a strong sense of social justice. My wife, a social work professor and former case manager, was thrilled.

The teacher commented to us that she’d never seen someone so passionate about a cupcake. She was surprised; although I’m not sure she would’ve been if she knew our son better.

Had his regular teacher been in the room, she would’ve anticipated a problem and addressed it proactively. In fact, she knows all the children so well that her classroom runs most days without any major incidents. And when something does happen, it’s usually because the environment is different or she’s still getting to know a new child.

In many ways, she’s able to harness the passions and personalities of these ten preschoolers so that they learn new things, laugh, and develop new friendships. It’s amazing, because she’s not just a good teacher, but a great leader of these children.

The cupcake incident got me thinking about my colleagues and teammates. Do I know their passions? What are their beliefs and hot buttons? Are we working together as well as possible?

Turns out I knew more than I realized, once I stopped and gave it some thought. I’m motivated by learning. A colleague is motivated by responsibility and ownership. Other colleagues value collaboration and partnership above all else. And fortunately for us, we all value teamwork and mutual respect.

It’s funny, but as I get to know people and learn more about them, I begin to interact with them differently. Not only am I more trusting and comfortable, but I’m able to acknowledge the things that are most important to them. I want others to know that I respect their passions and beliefs, in the same way I want others to respect and acknowledge mine.

And no, I’ve never seen a colleague get upset over a cupcake, but I do know that one colleague hates a certain color, or that another has strong reactions to being interrupted, or that another values his privacy. These personality traits may seem random, but they’re all things that my coworkers feel very passionate about.

Just like my son felt passionate about the pink cupcake. And just like his teacher has created an exceptional environment because the children know and respect each other’s passions and beliefs, I prefer to be in an environment where team members know and respect their colleagues’ passions and beliefs. Because those passions and beliefs are part of who they are, and a failure to acknowledge them could be perceived as disrespectful.

So what’s your “pink cupcake”? Do you know the passions and beliefs of your teammates? Do your colleagues know yours?

This may seem trivial, but the answers just might build a stronger working environment, increased productivity, and happier employees.