Self Worth and Loving Yourself

For a long time, I always wanted a boyfriend. Someone who would tell me I was beautiful and make me feel like I was worth something. I also used to look to friends to make me feel good. I’d compare myself to others who were slimmer than I was and I hated my body for a long time. It was so stressful to say the least.

The concept of loving myself was quite strange to me especially because I was told that you’d be loved only if you were slimmer. I never understood why I was the size that I am and this contributed to the depression I was already in. If someone told me I was pretty, I would hang on to that compliment and let it define who I was. It was such an unhealthy way to live.

In 2012, I liked a guy and I was so determined for him to like me because then it would mean I was actually beautiful and I was relevant. In the end, he cared but wasn’t ready for any attachment. However, I took it so personal and felt like it was because I was ugly and fat. I’m a Christian so I used to encourage myself in the Lord, telling myself that I was beautiful but deep down, I knew I didn’t mean it. I didn’t let myself believe that God was the only affirmation I needed. BIG MISTAKE!

Fast forward to this year (2017), I was finding and learning to love myself again and I met this guy. I like him a lot and I promised myself, I would not let what happened to me before occur again. We talk everyday, I learn from him each and every time and I was actually beginning to understand that I didn’t need to rush into a relationship before I felt relevant. Didn’t live up to my promise for long though because I still didn’t value myself enough. The thoughts of him not appreciating me enough began to creep in again especially because he didn’t write me letters like I did him (I was too caught up in what I wanted him to do to make me feel good that I forgot about his feelings and how things shouldn’t be rushed just because you want a relationship). So I basically sent him a message complaining about it and he replies me with a long message that explained so much to me and opened my eyes. One particular part stuck out to me

I know what it feels like when you want to feel special, and I’ve told you before that you don’t have to stress it. You don’t need to be getting letters/gifts etc. to feel it. They’re incentives.

And I realised that I had been going about it all wrong and in all honesty I was not ready for a relationship because I didn’t love myself enough to know that I did not need gifts or letters to feel important or loved by someone. We may like each other but it’s not a reason to rush into something without knowing ourselves to a point first.

“Relationships are based on friendships but that should not be the aim of creating the friendship”.

Lol I learn so much from him every single day.

“LOVE IS PATIENT” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4

I also came across two videos by Nia Cerise that confirmed that I really wasn’t ready to be committed because I exhibited the same characteristics as one who was not ready at all. (Low Self Worth) and (are you ready for a relationship)

Thank God for the people God has placed in my life to help me. I am loved because he first loved me. I understand the love of God and acknowledge it wholeheartedly. Even though I am a work in progress, I now understand what I need now is to

Fall in love with Jesus who loves me and through that I can fall in love with myself because he created me”.

Here’s a song for you to get your spirits soaring — Anthony Brown and group therAPy~ Worth :

P.S. I just came to the realisation today LOL . But better late than never.


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