Self Worth and Loving Yourself
For a long time, I always wanted a boyfriend. Someone who would tell me I was beautiful and make me feel like I was worth something. I also used to look to friends to make me feel good. I’d compare myself to others who were slimmer than I was and I hated my body for a long time. It was so stressful to say the least.
The concept of loving myself was quite strange to me especially because I was told that you’d be loved only if you were slimmer. I never understood why I was the size that I am and this contributed to the depression I was already in. If someone told me I was pretty, I would hang on to that compliment and let it define who I was. It was such an unhealthy way to live.
In 2012, I liked a guy and I was so determined for him to like me because then it would mean I was actually beautiful and I was relevant. In the end, he cared but wasn’t ready for any attachment. However, I took it so personal and felt like it was because I was ugly and fat. I’m a Christian so I used to encourage myself in the Lord, telling myself that I was beautiful but deep down, I knew I didn’t mean it. I didn’t let myself believe that God was the only affirmation I needed. BIG MISTAKE!
Fast forward to this year (2017), I was finding and learning to love myself again and I met this guy. I like him a lot and I promised myself, I would not let what happened to me before occur again. We talk everyday, I learn from him each and every time and I was actually beginning to understand that I didn’t need to rush into a relationship before I felt relevant. Didn’t live up to my promise for long though because I still didn’t value myself enough. The thoughts of him not appreciating me enough began to creep in again especially because he didn’t write me letters like I did him (I was too caught up in what I wanted him to do to make me feel good that I forgot about his feelings and how things shouldn’t be rushed just because you want a relationship). So I basically sent him a message complaining about it and he replies me with a long message that explained so much to me and opened my eyes. One particular part stuck out to me
“I know what it feels like when you want to feel special, and I’ve told you before that you don’t have to stress it. You don’t need to be getting letters/gifts etc. to feel it. They’re incentives.”
And I realised that I had been going about it all wrong and in all honesty I was not ready for a relationship because I didn’t love myself enough to know that I did not need gifts or letters to feel important or loved by someone. We may like each other but it’s not a reason to rush into something without knowing ourselves to a point first.
“Relationships are based on friendships but that should not be the aim of creating the friendship”.
Lol I learn so much from him every single day.
“LOVE IS PATIENT” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4
I also came across two videos by Nia Cerise that confirmed that I really wasn’t ready to be committed because I exhibited the same characteristics as one who was not ready at all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oXnHtszt1U (Low Self Worth) and https://www.pscp.tv/w/1vAGRboBZWDGl (are you ready for a relationship)
Thank God for the people God has placed in my life to help me. I am loved because he first loved me. I understand the love of God and acknowledge it wholeheartedly. Even though I am a work in progress, I now understand what I need now is to
“Fall in love with Jesus who loves me and through that I can fall in love with myself because he created me”.
Here’s a song for you to get your spirits soaring — Anthony Brown and group therAPy~ Worth : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPiC6Xcfaz0
P.S. I just came to the realisation today LOL . But better late than never.