“Has To Be Right” vs “Has To Grow” — Which Side Are You On? The Truth About Eliminating Toxic Relationships That Have A Startling Effect On Your Potential
“Success has less to do with what we can get ourselves to do and more to do with keeping ourselves from doing what we shouldn’t” — Kenneth Cole
In all honesty, change is difficult. Whether health, love, finance, or any other area, it is undoubtedly easier to stay where you are versus choosing to fight to get to the next level. And with distractions at an all time high (See the book The Shallows), we need something simple to help our own causes. So today I am going to offer a universal framework that will help you identify whether your peer group is aligned with your vision, and why this is important to maximizing your efforts and potential this year.
It all starts with looking at your peers through the lens of “has to be right” vs “has to grow”. For example, that friend or coworker who will spend more time arguing with you on how celebrities they don’t know feel than making that change you both know is needed? Yeah, that guy or gal, has to be right. And conversely, your buddy who keeps on auditioning or interviewing knowing they will sooner or later find the right fit provided they continue to grow? Yup, those are the ones committed to growth.
A simple yet powerful distinction that can accelerate success and minimize stress and distraction. For me it happened during my mid 20s, where I realized that not all of my peers wanted me to progress farther than what they saw as my potential. And when I did? They viewed it as a threat to their performance.
This is toxic.
Now while I could get emotional, I would prefer to stick to the root and use the emotions as a compass. How does it feel to discover someone in your inner circle attributes everything you succeed in to be luck? How does it feel to have someone on your team bait you into petty self serving disagreements? Or how drained do you feel having to defend your goals and ambitions to someone who can only offer cynicism for them instead of support?
Its exhausting and self defeating. Time is our biggest challenge and these type of people will drain a lot of it. With that said, don’t fret, the mere mindset of trying to cultivate self awareness around your inner circle could be the antidote and will carry over into many other areas.
So how does this relate to your inner circle? What’s one conversation you could start this week with someone who may fit into the “has to be right” category? And lastly, how could this mindset change the courting process of your romantic relationships? Keep me posted and remember, not everyone can “get on the bus with you.”
- Jus’ Black