The Real Truth About Sex Starved Relationships & Marriages — Michele Weiner-Davis TEDx Talk

I loved this for many reasons and felt it was incomplete for others. However, I’ll use the inspiration to fill in the gaps on what was left out and tip my hat to the lovely Michele Weiner-Davis. It’s got to be hard to cover everything in a TED Talk!

My minor gripes trace back to the topic of prevention and maintenance . I think Michele nailed it flawlessly in presenting actionable insight to folks in a sex starved marriage and how they can get past the hurdle. However, if your dating, engaged, or newly married, how can you prevent getting to this place?

Here are a few pitfalls that enable this to happen before marriage:

  • Ignoring Red Flags of Incompatibility — If you cannot talk about sex, there will undoubtedly be issues with it down the road. I don’t mean on the first date, but there should be a loose, playful tone to the topic when it comes up, provided the convo is respectful. If it’s instead awkward? Go with your gut and address it early on rather than down the line hoping it will change.
  • Dating For Status — Have you ever heard someone dismiss a potential date where sparks flew because “They are just not on my level…”? Or in contrast, be overexcited to be dating a doctor, lawyer, or artist, whom they have no real chemistry with, just for the status symbol? This is almost certain to create a a need for validation that will lead to a toxic, sex starved, power struggle down the line.
  • Lack of Commitment to Growth — Whether on one side or both, this is the number one reason a sex starved relationship will manifest. Let me explain. As a woman’s natural aphrodisiac is to see her man strive for his goals, push to get to the next level, and fully engaged in his craft, a mans natural aphrodisiac is a confident and secure woman. How can this occur without a commitment to growth? It simply can’t. What will happen instead is a combination of complacency and insecurity for one, or worse, both partners.

So let that marinate and think about the relationships in your inner circle. Does this hold true for your peers? How would it feel to be able to use this awareness in your next budding relationship? Am I leaving something out that you see out there? For me the biggest takeaway in this was the reversal of desire before arousal Weiner-Davis touched on from the research of Dr. Rosemary Basson. You add all these nuggets together and I am confident the necessary self awareness to avoid these pitfalls will drive the outcome your looking for, which is a fulfilling, sexy, balanced relationship!

Watch and enjoy.

-Jus’ Black

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