The Truth About Why I Fuck With Beyonce, But NOT Your Decision To Look To Her For ANYTHING More Than Art and Entertainment

While art and entertainment can be inspirational, it serves no real value in the realm of simulation &“how to” …

I couldn’t help but notice the rhetoric online Saturday night regarding the Lemonade visual album on HBO. I saw tweets and statuses like “…never again will I allow myself to get taken advantage of and not speak my mind. Beyonce, you gave me life!”, or, “My relationships will never be the same again, thank you Bey”. Now, I have nothing against Beyonce, I think she’s an influential and talented artist, but I question the over indulgence of celebrity influence on standard growth and progression in our lives.

I touched on what really will lead to a fulfilling, balanced relationship in my piece on The Paradox of Love, but in having a lengthy discussion on this with my lady after watching Lemonade, and some much needed perspective from the lovely, @Sherraelachhu, I see the need to further expand. I liken achieving a fulfilling relationship to putting together a piece of Ikea furniture without using the instruction manual. Yes, its possible to get it up and running, but the likelihood that you will succeed is slim to none, plus, why make it harder on yourself. There is the overwhelming lack of humility that manifests in, “…I don’t need to read or learn anything about relationships or development.” But yet, if Beyonce or another celebrity drops an album, it must have all the answers to your respective situation.

I love music. I love art. I love film. But I don’t see the value in looking to artists for the answers to things they are simply not qualified for, and worse yet, issues they could be exploiting for marketing and personal interest. I was asked recently why I don’t listen to a particular celebrity’s relationship talk show, and I answered by reading Dr. Helen Fisher’s bio on the back of Why We Love, “… Dr. Fisher has conducted extensive research on the evolution, expression, and chemistry of love.” …Heavy emphasis on the extensive research part.

No shade to anyone making a living off of their experiences and platform. And certainly no shade to artists telling their story. But since I myself am just getting started with complimenting my experiences with extensive research through focus groups, interviews, and surveys, I feel an obligation to anchor my content with the credible thought leaders on the topics I speak on.

The danger in looking to famous couples for the answer is that it almost always compliments the habit of looking to your peer group for validation on these stances. So now it really becomes the blind leading the blind. I would strongly encourage folks to not really put much stock in taking advice from those you would not want to have the same results as. Am I here talking about finance? No. Am I here talking about growth hacking? No. Am I here talking about fitness? No. Mind you, these are all things I love to read about and explore, but I have yet to cultivate the type of results in those areas that would lead me to believe that I am qualified to write on those topics.

Now, relationships? Platonic and romantic, have always been an area of strength for me. Hence, why I’m here typing this out as we speak. And I continue to build on my expertise through doctors and academics who allow me to bridge the gap between research and a digestible message for the masses.

In summary, this is what will actually help you reach the promise land in relationships:

- The balance I spoke in depth on in The Paradox of Love — Security and Individuality as the focal points.

- Commitment to understanding and cultivating Maintenance vs Damage Control.

- Being contrarian in peer influence by not putting too much stock in it unless they have the results you want.

- Ignoring celebrity culture as your idea of relationship goals.

So go ahead and bump that new Bey, I’m sure it will get airtime in my home. And while Lemonade was creative and certainly thought provoking, let’s make a conscious effort to expand our perspective on arts authority on areas in our lives outside of entertainment. And yes, I fully expect some backlash from my peers who rep the Beyhive, but I would never give two shits … unless of course I want the results in life they have.

-Jus’ Black