The 5 Pillars Of A Healthy Success Mindset.
I don’t consider myself to be a huge success, and I sure as hell don’t have the wealth and cash flow of someone that should be handing out advice to the ‘successful’.
But, I do have a proven track record around shifting shitty mindsets, so I’ll just hang out on my limb here and hope that you the successful, high level are not being a schadenfreude-ist.
Schadenfreude is taking pleasure in seeing ones adversity. And to make the distinction; gloating is seeing pleasure in causing ones adversity.
Nietzsche had a view that humans take great pleasure in the plight of others and research suggest that this is in fact true. We can’t argue with innate human nature, but …
I would argue, that this is the mindset of the lower consciousness. I would argue if one is truly successful and enjoying the pleasures of success that there is less likelihood of schadenfreude.
Why would you need to derive pleasure from others pain if your life is ‘amazeballs’. You have success, is this not enough?
For some successful folk, it seems that it’s not enough.
Today, as I was browsing social media one of my ‘friends’ posted a gloaty little remark about a past person who told him to stop the dumb entrepreneurial path he was on. This person now works as a server at a restaurant. The gloaty bit consisted of four lines.
Good for you dude.
It looks like you picked the right path.
I wanna go to California now and eat at your table.
You’ve come a long way.
Gloaty, sarcastic statements aren’t things I typically expect from the successful, but I see them often. I see them from people I look up to, and it does make me question if I am following the right success stories.
I don’t recall ever seeing Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Tony Robbins, Deepak Chopra, Richard Branson, Gary Vaynerchuck, Taylor Swift or any other seriously successful individual publicly engaging in schadenfreude. But please do correct me if I’m wrong.
So, let’s begin with an education in the concept of ‘graciousness’
The first pillar of a healthy success mindset.
Being gracious is a concept that has descended from the word goodwill. Graciousness is a word that asks us to remain kind and courteous regardless of situation. To be gracious is to operate at a higher level of consciousness, be presently aware and to not be dragged backwards into a past experience.
I personally believe in sharing a message of … “Hey, don’t let anyone’s small mindedness stop you from achieving your goals”.
But to single out an individual or group and gloat at their misfortune lacks that upper echelon of graciousness.
Graciousness says …
“Hey, I’m thankful I rose above the negativity so I could get on with my life and keep my head in my direction”.
Graciousness does not say …
“Hey, look at your stupid life”.
You see, everyone has their own path in life. You chose yours, they chose theirs. The two are mutually exclusive. Their path is actually none of your business now, and your path is none of theirs. When you are completely 100% aligned in your passion and your success there’s no need to derive more pleasure through schadenfreude.
Now, it’ll be at this point in this article that some asshat is saying …“Why should I listen to you, I have way more [insert yardstick here]”.
Yes, you probably do, and I thank you for demonstrating my point about lack of graciousness.
You’re successful, so why are you stooping back to that thought level? This is something that we do as children — not grown successful adults.
Why are you assuming that they’re not successful anyway?
Which brings me to the second pillar of a healthy success mindset.
Most humans have a tough time with this concept. It’s a lovely word, and makes for some really cute memes and motivational fodder, but very few people actually get it at a core level and live it.
It’s ok to have a billion dollars and drive a Lexus. And it’s also ok to want to surround yourself with other high earning Lexus drivers. It’s also ok to claim wealth and assets as success.
But it’s not ok (at a higher level of consciousness) to believe that others are wrong in where they’re at. Your perception is your reality, but it may not be theirs.
I read (or heard) a story of some guy who polishes apples at the supermarket. His entire barometer of success is shiny apples and the faces of the people who buy the apples. You can call him a retard or whatever the hell you like, but he’s not trying to fill his pleasure cup through schadenfreude.
Now, let’s take our restaurant server as an example. We don’t know their story, but let’s just make a simple one up:
Dude goes to work at a restaurant 5 nights a week, makes $100 in tips every night, not because the table spent $1000, but because he loves his job so fucking much that he is the most fun waiter these tables have ever seen. Dude earns his hourly rate on top of tips. Dude goes base jumping every week … makes mad passionate love to his girl … and goes on annual holidays overseas because he’s astute at saving. Not only that, dude enjoys the company of his workmates and feels bad for anyone in a job that comes with anxiety and sadness.
Every day this guy feels like he’s the luckiest guy in the world.
Or how about this one.
Dude goes to work in a restaurant because he got laid off from his 6 figure job and didn’t want to eat into his savings.
Dude works in a restaurant because he fucking hated his 6 figure job and is just taking a break while he figures out what he’s passionate about.
Or, how about this one.
Dude works in a restaurant because he wasn’t sure how to overcome his limitations … and it’s none of your business.
We have this homeless guy here where I live. He actually owns rental properties, but chooses to live on the street. Perhaps at one point he was a suit wearing businessman (I don’t know). If he was, and you saw him down the street, would you automatically think “That dude made bad choices in life”?
But you would also be very wrong.
Your perception might think these people are doing shit. Their reality might be a whole lot different. And even if they are doing crap at life by their standards … be gracious, just because you had some mindset and skillset shifts that doesn’t mean everyone else is going to have them too. We’re not identical robot twins.
Which nicely segways into healthy success mindset pillar number three —
Understanding neuroplasticity, and more importantly neuroplastic diversity.
I know, thems some big words, but hang in there.
Let me tell you a story.
I got straight A’s at high school. Calculus, Statistics, English, Economics, Accounting. I was the 7th brainest in my senior year, and won prizes for being the best at typing and shorthand. I have an IQ in the top 7% of all humans. People are jealous of my ability to touch-type.
I iz smart.
But it wasn’t always like that.
I used to feel dumb and be one of the worst at stuff early in my school life. I can’t draw to save myself, I say things that make people stare blankly at me, my handwriting is atrocious and …
I’m a fucking slow learner.
It takes me a lot longer to ‘get’ something than I’d like to. I would throw serious tantrums trying to learn concepts at school, I would geek out and concentrate hard in class and on homework. While other kids were fucking around, I was making sure I understood shit.
It also takes me a lot longer to execute various things. I either do it fast and average, or agonise over it and make it awesome.
Call me a glutton for punishment, but I decided to embark on careers that were completely 100% outside my ease of learning.
I’m a Nutritionist and Personal Trainer. Before that I was a Sales Rep and before that I was a radio copywriter and voiceover talent. And I turned my hand at event management and band management.
I used to be a restaurant server and bar wench.
And right now, I’m getting a painful education in hustle, copywriting, entrepreneurship, charging my worth and internet marketing. It’s going okish.
Let me tell you, working in a bar was about 10000% more fun.
Now, while I can geek out on big science words and understand maths — your brain might explode into a thousand small shards of confusion.
Similarly, you might be incredible at hustle, grind, profit and getting out of your own way really quickly — while I cry a thousand tears of frustration. And don’t worry, I’ll get it … eventually. It just takes me 10x as long. But honestly, watching people that I look up to blow ‘anti-success’ statements out their ass doesn’t make for the most inspiring of journey. I prefer my role models to be a little more gracious.
Now, this is neuroplastic diversity. We all think at our own pace, and we all have areas of the brain that work better than others. We are all able to change the state of the brain thanks to neuroplasticity, but we all do it at our own pace …
… And it is largely dependent on your resources.
Did you realise that some people don’t even understand the concept of gratitude, or that you are the sum of the five people you hang with? Not because they’re lame or unsuccessful, but simply because they haven’t been exposed to it. Be grateful that you have.
Now, I could sit here and laugh at all of you for being dumb because your IQ is not the same as mine, or because I notice things that many of you will never see. I could comment every time you use poor grammar or share some bullshit nutrition advice on Facebook that isn’t even true. I do laugh at your one finger typing, it looks painful.
I could sarcastically say “You’ve come a long way” in the smarts and discernment department — but that would be foolish, I understand you don’t have that same learning, and I also understand you probably don’t give a shit about those things and your marks of success are elsewhere.
Did you know that some spectacle wearing science geeks actually consider themselves successful regardless of whether they’re entrepreneurial, rich or hard-bodied? I know that might be a hard concept to grasp, but do try.
Let’s put this another way — you might be on a ladder, at rung number seven while someone else might still be floundering around number three. Just let them be there, perhaps be gracious and give them a hand if they want it. If they don’t, that’s ok. Don’t stand on their fucking head. Get on with your stuff, be proud of the changes your own brain has made and understand that we’re all walking the path of our own lives.
No segway here, but lets get into pillar number four :
How would you like to be treated?
It’s pretty simple really, shit could happen to you. You might be hustling so hard, and in that hustle you become fat and unhealthy. Then, boom you’re struck with illness … illness that could cripple you and your family financially.
Would you like people gloating at you?
“Hahaha, oh look at that guy all sick and fucked up, looks like you picked the right path dude, you picked the EXACT right level of ‘go hard’”.
This actually happens a lot in Health & Fitness. I have lost count of how many ‘hard-bodied’ folk are now swallowing their words, in a state of ill health.
“Pain is weakness leaving the body” … uhuh. whatever you say.
By all means follow your path however you wish, but have some respect for others who have decided to follow theirs in the way they wish, you may just need their support one day. Maybe you won’t, but hey … don’t be a douche.
And the Final Pillar …
Now, I don’t just mean handing out free advice like “If you’re poor it’s because you have a lack mindset”
Be actually fucking helpful.
You’re smart and successful so advise people on who to see to help with those limitations. You see, if you don’t like ‘negative thinking’ then either ignore it or do something useful to help the vibration of the planet.
Instead of gloating at someone, perhaps try “Hey dude, remember that conversation we had ages ago about entrepreneurship? Well, I actually managed to break through, and I just wondered if it was something you wanted to do. If so, could I help you?
And then actually help them where THEY are at.
I was watching a TV show about Egypt and how it talks about that we’re moving (slowly) into the next Golden Age. Yeah, you know what — I’m not convinced. I just don’t think that our collective consciousness is high enough in those who could really assist in this shift.
Imagine if every single successful entrepreneur (big or small) on the planet helped just ONE person who was in the lack / negative mindset. Wouldn’t that be a giant shift of energy?
Don’t agree? Let me put it another way. Those who already follow thought leaders are already on the good path yeah? They’re going to get there; albeit fast or slow, but the point is, they’re moving in the right direction.
Some people just aren’t, they’re stuck. Some people are lowly restaurant servers who expressed an opinion a few years ago based on their own limited understanding.
Sure, some people are actually many more steps behind you than your perception can deal with. Let’s give them the space to share their fears and be a good listener so we can understand how to help them — or leave them be, get on with your own success and let them muddle through their own lives. You aint going to their grave with them, so back the fuck off.
I had a bootcamper ask me how she could tone her belly fat. How could I have responded?
Option A) Post on facebook: “OMG can you believe people STILL think you can tone fat, I guess some people are just too dumb to pay attention to THE LAST 20 YEARS”
Option B) Lie and tell her to do more situps
Option C) Tell her you can’t tone fat
Option D) Explain how fat loss works and give her some actionable steps.
I chose D.
But hey, if you don’t want to help those people, that’s ok. But why belittle them for their own limitations? Really?
Now, before you order a fucking burger and then tip them $100, just check in with yourself — did you do it because they a) did great job or b) because you’re genuinely giving or c) because the schadenfreude is strong you couldn’t resist.
A healthy success mindset faces forwards.
By all means, acknowledge that naysaying is shitty. Use it as a message of inspiration. Use it as success fuel, but once you’ve arrived be an even bigger success and leave the belittling and schadenfreude to schoolkids and those who need to find pleasure at a lower level of consciousness.
P.S: Although I singled out this one example, this is something that I have been observing daily for months now. Dude, if you did read this … I fucking love your work and today I just felt a bit hurt and belittled seeing something so assholey from someone I admire. Especially since I’m one of those people who hasn’t quite ‘made it’.