To the boy who broke my heart, thank you.

for if you hadn’t trampled on my heart with your words and actions, I wouldn’t know what it means to chase a reflection of what I thought was a soulmate

for soulmates there are many, but a soul mate who becomes your emotional significant partner, willing to mend, not many who have the strength

for if you hadn’t walked away, I would never know what a chase is

an empty chase

for if you hadn’t disrespected me enough by going for someone right after me, I would never have realized what it means to be viewed as not worthy enough

to be given time to heal from

for my lack of worth in your eyes, became my plea to myself to come to touch with my own self-worth

for if it weren’t for the holes you made, I would never have opened my soul to patch those up myself

for if it weren’t for your empty promises, I would never have learned to not give my love and trust blindly to everyone

for some will cherish and uphold it, while some will trample over it

thank you for trampling it

for if I never became unstable from heartbreak, I would never be able to mend it with my own healing power

and realize how in dire need of myself I was

for if you hadn’t left me wondering and blaming myself for days, I would never have those much- needed talks about my positive experience from all this with all those loved ones around me

for if it weren’t for you exposing me to elitism, I would never have learned to fully value and appreciate the struggle of a “common man”

for if it weren’t for you succumbing to pressure and giving up, I would never learn the value of true love that is worthy of a fight.

not just the sweet-honey words that are said amidst it

if it weren’t for you giving up on my love or your love for me, I would never have understood that: any form of love necessarily doesn’t mean unconditional love

and unconditional love is what I crave, desire, and yearn for

a love you were not strong enough to give

because that is a dynamic, revolutionary love

for if you were, you would never have left. you would never change. you would never quit something you had started

you would be hoping, and fighting, just as I was left doing

wanting to fight a fight that I didn’t know you had already decided we were going to raise a white flag to

the decision which was made without my knowledge or input

because from that I realized, it wasn’t a mutual love, but a toxic controlling one. one in which you held the reigns to its start, and it’s end

what could have been a precedent, one in which only the two of us had the power and emotional willpower to follow through with…

became another story buried in the “college experience” rubble

for if it weren’t for you not being able to acknowledge how much I had the patience and strength to care and love you, a broken soul, I would never have learned to love myself the same way

for if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have realized don’t trust everything that seems right so easily, those things are what hurt the most

because they break the trust you have in your own judgement

I would never know that don’t give with the expectation for equal, if not more, love to be reciprocated

for if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t understand the truth behind: love can never be measured

for if it weren’t for you I would never realize don’t love with rigidity and restrictions, but as freely and spirited as possible

for I kept trying to free myself from the shackles you placed on my love. let it become caged,

and mostly — voiceless

for if I hadn’t considered you a best friend to be hurt by, I would never appreciate my real best friends with the heart I do now

for if it weren’t for you hurting me so much, I would never realize the pain I have given close loved ones in the past

pain that made absolute sense now

that it hurts tenfold more when it is from someone you placed wholehearted trust and love in

for if it weren’t for you moving on so quickly, I would never realize moving on isn’t always to the next person,

but possibly to myself

for if it weren’t for you, I would never understand the depths of my love, not only for you, but for all those around me

that my love doesn’t come in strokes of a paintbrush, or waves

but it comes in the form of voluminous storms

even vehement rage

for if it weren’t for you replacing my love, I wouldn’t come to the realization I want to be, and in an irreplaceable kind of love

for if it weren’t for you being harsh as bricks and cold as ice with me I wouldn’t understand the significance and delicacy behind kindness

I wouldn’t understand be kind, even if the situation calls for otherwise

because in kindness is empathy

because in kindness is gentleness

a gentleness every person is deserving of

for if it weren’t for you I would never understand that no matter how much goodness you put into the world, there will always be drawbacks that people like to highlight and create on their own and hold on to

for the ultimate truth that I do know is:

I loved, and I loved with all my might

“I will believe, as long as you believe.”

Words don’t have meaning, unless put into action. They are empty unless followed by actions

for if it weren’t for you not solely telling me stop believing, but showing me I should.

I almost would have kept doing so..

for if it weren’t for you leaving me numb, I wouldn’t be able to go back to Him, the greater force that gave me enough strength to believe in people again,

to allow myself to be sensitive again,

the One who when humanity and individuals will fail you, shows you He never will.

the One who takes you in with His ever-open merciful, benevolent, and affectionate arms

the One who can and does provide us with His unconditional love to help fill holes with

for if it weren’t for you leaving me with bruises and scars on my soul,

I would never be able to look back and say from a healing state you are the “best thing I never had”

Signed,

Mohammedi