Never allowed to be a kid
Or: “What it’s like to grow up having to be “ladylike”.
Tell me reader, what’s the earliest childhood memory that you can remember?
If you were a little boy,
then your answer would probably be:
“I was running around and playing in my backyard. My feet touched the ground, and
I realized that I had stepped in mud. I laughed when I got into a mud fight.”
Here’s how that would have gone down when I was little.
I stared out at the sun in sky. I was told to go play outside, so I did. I started
running around the backyard. I laughed and laughed, and I laughed until my feet touched something wet. Looking down, I realized that my feet were covered in mud.
Reaching down into the mud with my hands, I started a mud fight. I was having a good time until my mom comes barreling out of the house.
“ACCALIA HOPE BARONETS!”
I flinched. That was my full name. That means I’m in trouble.
I looked up to see my mom angrily staring back at me.
“Accalia, what do you think you’re doing?”
I stare at her in confusion.
“You told me to go play outside mama!”
“Correct, I did tell you to go play outside. What I did not tell you is to cover yourself in mud and start a mud fight. Ladies do not cover themselves in mud, nor do they start mudfights! It is very unladylike to play in mud. You’re grounded!”
See a difference reader? Little boys are allowed to have fun. Little girls are only allowed to have fun if it’s ladylike.
I remember one time, I was sitting on the couch with my legs open.
I was comfortable. Then I hear a sneer.
“Accalia Hope, close your legs and sit like a lady!”
I look at my mom.
“But mama, it’s uncomfortable — “
“Too bad! Sit with your legs crossed! It’s unladylike not to sit that way!”
That’s another difference between growing up a boy and growing up a girl.
Boys are allowed to sit how they want to. Girls must sit in a ladylike position.
If you grew up a girl, the word ladylike is burned into your brain.
“Now now young lady, close your legs and cross them. It’s unladylike to expose yourself like that. We mustn’t have the boys think that you’re a hussy.”
“Now now young lady, it’s unladylike to swear. We don’t want people to think we’re uncivilized now, do we dear?”
“Now now young lady, you mustn’t cut your hair. Short hair is very unladylike. We don’t want people to think you’re a boy, now do we?”
“Now now young lady, it’s unladylike to eat before the men. We don’t want people to think you have no manners now, do we?”
“Now now young lady, it’s unladylike to chew with such big bites. We don’t want people to think you grew up in a barn now, do we?”
“Now now young lady, it’s unladylike to wear red lipstick. We don’t want people to think you’re a prostitute now do we?”
“Now now young lady, it’s unladylike to have your legs exposed under your dress without pantyhose. We don’t want boys to think you’re asking for it, now do we?”
“Now now young lady, it’s unladylike to have your midriff exposed. We don’t want people to think you’re a hussy now, do we?”
Are you sensing a pattern here?
I was never allowed to just be as a child, because I always had to be ladylike.
If I adopted kids in the future, and adopt a daughter, she will not be forced to be lady like. She’s wearing a skirt, and her legs are open? Big deal, she’s wearing shorts underneath.
She’s playing in mud? Big deal, she can rinse it off.
She swears? I’ll educate her on why she shouldn’t do it, but it isn’t because of her gender.
She wants to cut her hair? Big deal. I get mine cut all the time.
She’s hungry and there are men around? Too bad. My child eats first.
She takes a big bite? Big deal, she’s eating.
She wants to wear red lipstick? Big deal. It’s just a color.
She wants to wear a dress? Pantyhose are old fashioned. She doesn’t have to wear them.
She wants her midriff exposed? I’ll educate her on why she shouldn’t do it, but her gender isn’t the reason for it.
It’s time we stop demanding that girls be “ladylike”, and let kids be kids.
