Things that I wish I had growing up as a child who’s family disowned her
When I was child, both sides of my family disowned me. The only close family I had left was my parents. Because of this, I missed out on a lot of things that people with families had when they were growing up.
Things that I wish I had growing up as a child who’s family disowned her
#1 Media that didn’t talk about how wonderful family is and push how wonderful family is
Every single piece of media that I watched growing up had a huge emphasis on family, and how wonderful it is to have a family. How they would never leave you. How they would always love you, blah, blah blah. Seeing messages like this hurt because my family disowned me. It was a constant reminder that I didn’t have a family.
#2 Holiday time with family
Growing up I would constantly hear people talking about the wonderful time they spent with their families during the holidays, and it hurt, because I didn’t have any of that. People would also complain about the arguments that went down at the Thanksgiving table, and that hurt too because at least they had a family to get in fights with.
#3 Other kids my age to play with
As an only child that was disowned by both sides of her family, I didn’t have kids my own age to play with. No one wanted to be friends with the child that was different, and those that did weren’t my friend because of me, they were friends with me because of the stuff I owned. Because of this I had a very lonely childhood that involved playing alone.
#4 An answer as to why I was disowned
No one ever told me growing up why I was disowned. All I knew was that I was not allowed to sleep over at my cousins’ house anymore, and that my family didn’t want to see me again. Having no answers, the only answer that made sense to me was that it had to be my Autism. Because of this I had a lot of internalized ableism.
If you don’t know, Ableism is discrimination in favor of able-bodied people.
I constantly told myself things like: “If I wasn’t Autistic then my family would still love me!”. “Why do I have to be Autistic? I hate myself, and that’s why my family hates me too!” “Stop acting Autistic and just be normal already!”
#5 Media that showed characters that had very small families
Every single piece of media that I watched growing up always had these huge families that spent time with the characters, and loved them no matter what. As a child who only had her parents left in her family, this hurt.
#6 Someone outside of my parents that I could talk to
As an only child that was disowned by both sides of her family, I didn’t have people that weren’t my parents that I could talk to. The teachers I had were very ableist, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to talk to a school counselor about being disowned by both sides of my family. I love my parents, but I didn’t want to talk to them about everything, you know?
#7 Grandparents
My grandmother on my mom’s side died when I was very young, and my grandfather on my mom’s side died when my mom was very young. My grandmother on my mom’s side remarried, but the guy she married disowned me. My grandmother on my dad’s side disowned both my dad, and me. So I never had Grandparents growing up. Sure, they were alive, but to me they were dead since I never saw them. The media I was seeing that showed huge families with kids that had Grandparents didn’t help either.
#8 Aunts and Uncles
My uncle on my dad’s side died before I was born, so I never got to meet him. My uncle on my mom’s side died when I was very young. My aunts on both sides of the family disowned me, so I didn’t have an aunt growing up, and still don’t. Sure those aunts are alive, but they might as well be dead since I never see them.
#9 Friends my own age
As an only child that was disowned by both sides of her family, I didn’t have kids my own age to play with. No one wanted to be friends with the child that was different, and those that did weren’t my friend because of me, they were friends with me because of the stuff I owned. The friends that only wanted to be friends because of my stuff were either younger than me, or older than me.
#10 A family
I think it’s fairly obvious at this point, but I wished I had a family. As an adult, I don’t wish for a family, because both sides of my family are toxic, and I’m used to not having a family outside of my dad now that my mom is gone.
