I needed more than 140 characters allotted on Twitter to express my frustration.
Firstly, my heart goes out to the family and friends of the officers slain and the officers/protesters injured in Dallas last night.
America has a gun problem.
America has an economic disparity problem. America has a race problem. America has an empathy problem. America has problems.
And I say this as someone who is proud to be an American and wouldn’t trade the sense of solidarity and patriotism I have for this country with anything.
But my God, enough is enough.
Independence Day was Monday, but these last 96 hours have felt like nothing but shackles on my spirit.
“Americans! Your republican politics, not less than your republican religion, are flagrantly inconsistent. You boast of your love of liberty, your superior civilization, and your pure Christianity, while the whole political power of the nation (as embodied in the two great political parties) is SOLEMNLY PLEDGED to support and perpetuate the ENSLAVEMENT of three millions of your countrymen. You hurl your anathemas at the crowned headed tyrants of Russia and Austria and pride yourselves on your Democratic institutions, while you yourselves consent to be the mere tools and body-guards of the tyrants of Virginia and Carolina.”
The above quote is an excerpt from Frederick Douglass’ “The Meaning of July Fourth for the Negro” speech given in Rochester, New York, on July 5, 1852.
That was 164 years ago and while the landscape has changed, what’s really different? The sentiments expressed from a former slave in 1852 resonate resoundingly with many black Americans today.
I find myself growing desensitized to it all.
The morning Alton Sterling’s video leaked I was perusing my timeline thinking, “Oh great, yet another unarmed black man killed by the police.” I almost rolled my eyes because that’s how callous I’ve come to the senseless disregard and lack of respect for my people by those in power.
But something told me to watch the video… I was shocked by my reaction. It was visceral. I cried.
And in that moment, an uncomfortable weariness inside of me was ignited anew.
Fast forward to the very next morning.
I watch another video of a black man with a LICENSE TO CARRY take his dying breath on a Facebook live-stream.
I couldn’t even cry because my first reaction after watching Diamond Lavish Reynolds live broadcast her loved one die in front of her, have the cop point the gun at her and him as he’s dying, have her daughter in the backseat witnessing it all, and then see her roughly accosted by the cops, handcuffed, and forced to her knees as if SHE WERE THE CRIMINAL… my first reaction? I was enraged.
As a black woman, I felt rage.
While impressed by Ms. Reynolds’ insurmountable composure, my heart broke because I knew that she knew that she couldn’t allow herself to appear frustrated or upset or “angry” because of how it would be perceived in the media.
The fact that we have this BURDEN on us to deferentially “Yes, sir” a person who murders your loved one for no reason directly in front of you and your child SICKENS me.
I don’t like it.
I HATE that Philando Castile’s mother stated to media outlets that she told her son to comply and to do “whatever they say” only for him to do just that and be murdered anyway.
I hate this burden because it oftentimes comes with a loss of dignity, which leads to resentment, which leads to communities acting out of pain and frustration, and not necessarily toward positive outcomes.
I hate the lack of respect given to black bodies. I hate the latitude it seems we’re never granted.
The cycle of mental deprivation, duress, and damage afflicted on the Negro population in the United States is directly related to historical disenfranchisement and systemic racism.
Don’t ever forget that.
Don’t conveniently forget that history has present day ramifications and that those ramifications adversely affect collective psyches.
So yes, I’m quietly pissed and dismayed and I will not apologize for that.
But I also bear witness to how empathy; how befriending those not like yourself; how compassion; and how understanding lead to communal healing.
I guess I’ll end on that note.
Sorry for the rant and Bless Up!
