An Open Letter To Everyone about Newspring

I am not an open person by nature. Things in my past have caused me to withdrawn from social situations and have increased anxiety with or without triggers.

I used to hate leaving my house,

I still don’t love it.

I used to hate being in crowds,

I still don’t love it.

Loud, chaotic environments makes me stop breathing.

People being upset with me makes me anxious.

Thinking people don’t like me makes me anxious.

Night terrors and flashbacks keep me up at night.

Guess what makes all these things better- the fact that there was someone who cares enough to enter this world and die on a cross he didn’t deserve for my sins. All the things I have done that have hurt people and my Creator- Jesus took the weight off my shoulders and boar the pain for MY salvation.

Now THAT is something to not be anxious or withdrawn about.

It took me going to Newspring’s Lexington campus to figure all of this out. Before I knew that the son of God died for my indiscretions- I was ready to end it. I didn’t see a reason to live or a purpose to life, I knew I had friends and family who loved me but it made no impact on me and I was just so.stressed.out.

I had rejected God all my life- saying I was an atheist.

Blaming Him for all my problems.

Then I went to a Fuse first look where I was saved. Seeing teenagers join together around a love so strong it changed lives in today’s morbid society made me realize He is bigger than any of this.

So I volunteered.

I loved it, it filled a hole in my soul.

I grew closer to God.

Then my focus shifted from the lord to becoming a Leader. I wanted to be someone else. I wanted to lead like all the strong leaders I saw. (Which if you know me- I’m not a strong frontline leader who can project vision. Facilitating and following is more my style)

I stopped following the Lord as closely and I started trying to fit a persona.

I started falling into some old ways.

I fell even further

And further

And further

……and then I dropped.

I made a mistake.

Everyone does, the Lord forgives! But the church saw through my facade.

This is probably the part where you are thinking “oh- she’s going to blame Newspring for her problems.” I’m not. I was asked to take a month off from serving on the Fuse team- which I needed. My leader poured into me, truly cared about my well being and relationship with the Lord. My core community stuck by me- 5 to 6 people who didn’t let me revert back to old ways.

The other part of the community I thought I had built left.

I withdrew again.

I didn’t want to leave my house.

I became depressed again.

At the time I was devastated and a wreck.

Which is fine, I’ve now realized I had all I needed.

God was there, my parents were there, my boyfriend was there (even though I had put him through so much), and people who truly cared about me deeper than a surface, Instagram posting, needing me to do something for an event level were there through everything.

So- 4 months later. I’m back to a stable relationship with my Savior. I’m back to following His love and not hating life. (Yay right?) Not going to lie- the anxiety is still terrible. I still have my bad days. I still have times where I lose sight of what’s to come.

There will always be those days.

But for now, there will not be Newspring. Calm down, I’m not reverting to my hoodlum, atheist days and I’m NOT saying Newspring is a terrible place.

If it weren’t for Newspring showing me the love and grace of the lord at that specific time in my life I can guarantee I would never have found it and I would not be here today.

Just a time for new beginnings.

A time to follow my heart and His word to new heights.

Praise His name forevermore.

Special thanks to Ryan and Lauralee Kirkland, Mom and Dad, Jared Woodard, Brittany Lacy, Morgan Tucker, Wesley Andrews, Ben Eubanks and Dylan Gregory for all you do. Stay awesome🤘🏻

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