My deep dark into the abyss.

Loosing a job. First time unemployed in 17 years. But unlike any other time, this is more critical as I’ve become a dad of four and husband to the most incredibly loving wife.

A grown mans real life horror film.

Its never been a safe society for men to admit fear. And in today’s culture with the present president it’s become unfashionable to be anything but the toughest guy in the room, never showing weakness — never mind admitting to ever having it.

But I live riddled by fear everyday, it’s the driving force behind my ambition. It’s part of why I continue to go, even after I was laid off and some say mistreated, back to my old job on nights and weekends to continue to do work in hopes of getting a new gig.

Today I was reminded of who God is.

God exists in everyone of us. My wife displays this more than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s why till the end of time I owe her my gratitude. She not only continues to teach me how love is at it’s purest but she says something so interesting so honest and so real — Anyone can be thankful and love God when they have a pocket full of cash and a place to live with a good job but it’s having that graciousness, that gratefulness, that giving loving spirit when you’re down and close to out. Loving God when you’re broke and the worlds caving in around you is true character. It’s easy to love Him when everything is going well, but what are you doing when you got nothing and life seems to be always going against the grain, that’s when it counts.

Now I’m paraphrasing this, I could never give it to you word for word because I’m telling you the way she says it is like it’s coming from an angel itself. Truly someone who intimately knew and knows God.

But for everyone struggling, for everyone who like me and at times believes Hope is the most dangerous feeling in existence, for everyone who needed this in one way or another. Remember, what we do now counts.

Do not give up. Ever

God is Love, to Love is to be like God, and only Love will get you through. This is the way from no way out.