Screenshot of a feeling.
Log entry 13O1:
Today I want to write a feeling, I was laying back at a house that I don’t own watching a TV show that I don’t like and I had that overwhelming feeling of emptiness.
I wanted so bad to screenshot that feeling so I can discover it later in more details, but as this thought passes by I forgot all about, today I want to write even that I know that I’m a shitty writer, I always use the simplest words ever, not because I’m wise or I want to give an elegant character to the text, it just because I can’t describe things better than a machine, in the other hand I can feel them, feel every single twitch, reaction and inner movement, but that’s not enough, I’m always caught up in the moment, after that I lose everything it’s like dream, you remember the general idea without any details, a foggy picture of the moon and a clear picture of the sun, things seems right, exactly as this text is going to be, no sense at all, ideas mixed with depression and hopes along the way, guilt, pride and love, all kind of emotions lost in a sea shouting “A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor”, a quote I used to put in my wallpaper laptop, it didn’t remind me of anything except the fact that I’m worthless, can’t get anything done, a bad ending to a worst journey, nothing happy ever happened along the way.
So! I’m writing again, what for what about I don’t know, just some scratches on a blank paper some motivational leader asks us to do, he said: you should talk to yourself more often, write anything and delete it afterward, I only skipped the last part, I won’t delete ever, I hate the idea of remembering and not at the same time, foggy thoughts, love birds and black coffee, things I couldn’t live without, I’m now more focus than ever, my brain is feeling dizzy, a reminder on the phone giving me notifications on things I should’ve done today, but I didn’t, I shall stop now this random text and start all over.
And this is a screenshot of a feeling.
-Yassine / Good bye.