Game of Thrones Power Rankings: Week 4
Stop for a second and think about how much money it cost to create those dragons and film that scene. And then think back to your student loans. Back to the money. Now cry, slowly, inside. That feeling is how I feel every time I have to watch Bran talk. To the rankings!
1) Cersei Lannister (Last Week: 1, No Change)
This is a tough and controversial play. Cersei was in this week’s episode for a quick five minutes. But, if we’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones, we know that you should wait and see how things play out. In just a matter of minutes, Cersei went from an 820 credit score to the guy who’s at a MoneyTree at 9PM going “No, I swear, a dragon literally melted all the gold I was gonna give you.” (We actually learned the gold was already transported to King’s Landing, so they’re straight — but I’m keeping the joke because I thought it was funny). It’ll be tough for the Lannisters to recoup. The future still looks positive for Cersei, however. The Iron Bank said they’d fund other ventures and as far as we know that still stands. She’s still got the big King’s Landing and showed Dany she’s ready for the dragons. It’s also important to point out how she told Qyburn that the Gold Company (an army of 10,000) has committed to fight for her. No shortage of armies for the Lannisters.
2) Jon Snow (Last Week: 3, Up 1)
Am I the only one who found the Dragonglass to be…underwhelming? Here’s a guy who teleported all the way to Dragonstone to find a cave that was the equivalent of Katy Perry’s new album. After seasons of warrior Jon Snow, sexy Jon Snow, dead Jon Snow, and King Jon Snow, we now have archaeologist and spelunking enthusiast Jon Snow. Another week where the North continues to get stronger, and the Targaryen forces are starting to trust him3. Jon might not like being a member of the Council of Queens (RIP!) but he’s definitely… into… the Alliance of Dragons. He gets the move-up because he hasn’t taken a hit at all this season. With next episode’s title being “Eastwatch”, I think we might see some changes soon.
3) Danaerys Targaryen (Last Week: 5, Up 2)
It seems like the arrow to Drogon is a metaphor for basically all of Dany’s conquest. She enters thinking she’s got an easy battle and oh by the way her Supermove is that she’s got a dragon. It’s the equivalent of asking Hawkeye to fight Thanos. Instead, Drogon gets hit in the dragon equivalent of an armpit, and everything becomes much more complicated. (Anecdote: In that jousting scene from season one, Jamie actually loses — he’s not good with a spear on horseback). Her Dothraki army just made the Lannisters look like a bunch of Dick(on)s. That said, her dragons are vulnerable now and next episode she’ll be losing Jon Snow back to the North. Tyrion has already shown he can’t command her armies, so who will? Also, girl talk with Missandei and Dany could totally be a podcast. Like, Greyworm is soooo cute and some things happened eep.
4) Euron Greyjoy (Last Week: 2, Down 2)
The worst thing about this episode is that it didn’t have Euron. I am completely ready to die on this hill (or ship, in Euron’s honor) when I say that I think Euron Greyjoy has a huge role to play. Here are the facts:
- If Jamie is kidnapped, who is by Cersei’s side most of the time?
- Euron will have Cersei when the war is won. Well she just got gold and a new army.
- Hot-Topic outfits look great on pirates in Game of Thrones.
I like to imagine the Iron Fleet is vacationing on the shores of Westeros right now, waiting until they are beckoned to fuck shit up again.
5) Arya Stark (Last Week 8, Up 3)
This episode was the first time in a while we got to see Arya show off her sword skills in detail — and I’m still struggling to understand how she’s as-good-or-better than a woman who’s literally a beast and has been a master swordswoman for decades. That said, Needle packs a …poke… Arya is back at Winterfell with the fam, and whatever the hell Emo Bran is. How long will she stay, though, if she still has her list to get through? Will the Starks fund a secret assassin plan while they fight at the wall? Shout out to Syrio Forel, who doesn’t get enough love for believing in Arya.
6) Samwell Tarly (Last Week: 4, Down 2)
As Sam was left out this week, we can only assume he hasn’t found any more scabs to peel off. He really should consider a youtube channel on that, though, there’s a huge following. Sam likely read some scrolls, cleaned some shit, and weighed some organs. But by all means, he’s clearly a very important character.
7) Sansa Stark (Last Week: 7, No Change)
Somehow, Sansa returned home to Winterfell after all the shit she’s been through, and is like, “Why am I the only sane child left?” We lost the Hillary Clinton Sansa and got a more Catelyn-like Sansa this time around, caring for family and asking questions. She stays in her spot this week.
8) Jamie Lannister (Last Week: 6, Down 2)
In that moment, I found myself rooting for Jamie Lannister. For a minute, I whispered “go kill her!”. After all he’s done, after all his sister has done, we still want Jamie to succeed. You might ask yourself why Jamie gets to stay top ten when he’s likely dead or captured and just commanded an army to an overwhelming defeat, but I’m still bullish on Jamie and here’s why:
- Captured Jamie was our favorite Jamie. Het met Brienne. We got to see a real side of him.
- If Jamie is captured, he might get to go to Winterfell, which means we could see him reunite with Brienne.
- He’s still likely got Bron by his side, and that’s all anyone ever needs.
- His sister would likely go great lengths to get him back.
- Tyrion was clearly still rooting for him during that scene. Tyrion wants Jamie to be okay, and I think there’s still more to play out with this alliance.
9) Bron (Last Week: NR)
I nearly shit myself when I considered the possibility that Bron would die. Literally, I was about to never watch again. Not only does Bron live, save Jamie, and get to shoot the arrow at Drogon, he showed his commitment to his friends. He could have grabbed his gold and fleed but he stayed. Bron. Here’s to Bron, our favorite sellsword.
10) Qyburn (Last Week: NR)
Oh whaaaaaat he put Qyburn up there? Well let me lay this out for you. Qyburn has had two main jobs — Frankensteining the Mountain, and defeating the dragons. He’s pretty much succeeded on both. Beyond that, he manufactured the wildfire explosion at the Sept. Qyburn isn’t just secret hitman extraordinaire, he’s currently the closest confidant Cersei has in King’s Landing. Qyburn is pulling so many strings, he’s a Westerosi marionette puppet master. Not only am I buying Qyburn stock, I’m throwing bets on him.
Littlefinger: Hey, did you hear about that dope dagger? Something’s got to be at foot and Littlefinger is definitely behind it. What it is yet, we don’t know. But the longer Jon is away and distracted by White Walkers, the longer Littlefinger has the ear of Sansa.
Bran: CHAOS = LADDER. Bran’s got more Facebook posts than an emotional 15 year old. Wait, is he actually just an emotional 15 year old?
Brienne: My favorite part of this episode was when Brienne was like, “Step aside Pod, I’m about to fight Arya and show you how it’s done.” Poor Pod.
Episode MVP: Danaerys Targaryen
Ultimately, Dany made the decision to go after the Lannister army with her Dragons, and it was probably the right one. She defeated them and likely captured a few important figures. Instead of flying into King’s Landing blind, she knows that her dragons aren’t invincible now. On top of that, the Dothraki army on horseback and dragon-flying travel time actually made sense this episode, so IT’S ABOUT TIME!