Positives +

Mr Erm
Mr Erm
Sep 2, 2018 · 4 min read

“Hang on… Why is there another one?! HE LIED!”

Often as humans we get stuck in this motion of only ever saying the bad things, its always the bad news. The… “Oh I had real bad day…” or the… “Such and such said this to me today…” OR we often just say nothing at all.

We become almost programmed to search for the negatives, weather they are big or small. Even if the positive outweighs the negative, maybe its because when you’ve seen or experienced enough negatives you take comfort in it. Not in a sadistic kind of way more of a “I know this feeling, lets go with it.” Where as the positive is this exotic, fragile vase… deep down you can see it and my god you want to grab it and run for the hills! But in your head your like

“But if I grab it, run, slip on that conveniently placed banana skin I’ll smash it and it’ll be gone.”

Maybe it would be better if you just wrapped it up in bubble wrap, locked it up and just kept it in eye line. Now does that sound like a good idea to you? That poor little vase.

Now I know what your thinking… “Hey Mr Erm your contradicting yourself, you told me to talk more!?” Put your pitchfork down. I’m not saying not to talk, its important that you vent and share your worries. Take it from me the bad’s are better out in the air then in your head.
What I’m saying is its a balance. A hard one for some people because its a ditch that is an absolute bitch to get yourself out of. You can defiantly get out of it, it just takes some thinking, ignoring, effort and people. Preferable friends and loved ones, I mean you could go and ask a stranger. Actually don’t do that.

You have to talk about the positives just as much as your told to talk about the negatives. Accepting them and recognizing them is an incredibly hard thing but once you do, its a wonderful feeling. It is one of those, “random smile on your face” moment, tingles in your arm and hairs to attention. Something which I’m enjoying at the moment, though if someone was to look into my window and see me grinning at a computer screen then it may look suspicious. For example today I bought some new clothes, now I’m not being a big head here but I’ve had a few people tell me over the summer I’ve lost weight. Now I brush this off like its shit on the bottom of my shoe! (sorry). I put it on and had a look in the mirror and it felt good, real good and I accepted that I actual had. Then… Out of nowhere… this strange voice… “I look good!”. Better then that I have recently come into news of being called a Lead Practitioner in my Early years as well as being paid appropriately for it. Which as you can imagine made me feel pretty fantastic. It also opened my eyes a little.

Now I spent my NQT desperately trying to prove something, prove to myself that I can do this besides all the baggage. Actually scratch that, not just “do it”, do a damn good job of it. I am a underdog at heart, it fuels me. Its like my venom to Bane (Batman reference), the cheese to Gromit’s cracker? Does that even make sense? *Shrugs* You get what mean. I’ve spent the first 20 years of my life with this constant over shadowing “He’ll never get there.” Teachers, “friends” and relationships. But how wrong they were, I hold no hate. In the end its fuel to fire and its made me one hell of a persistent person and I’m going to say strong. Self-worth and pride is a beautiful thing, it makes life enjoyable and it comes knocking at your door when you least expect it. Every now and then it goes on holiday, but it will always come back to you. You just have to lure it in with the pretty little vase. Its no good just keeping the positives looked up, its going to get dusty! Tell you what, go buy a display case! A big massive fancy one because the sooner you take that vase out and start showing it off, modestly don’t go being a dick about it. The more exotic vases your going to get your hands on! I’m excited to go back to school because its my passion and something that, well from the looks of things I’m good at! I have a lot to prove this year in more ways then one and I cannot wait to prove it. Through all of this, all the years, I’ve learnt one thing! That I will always rise and shine, even in the coldest night.

Stop looking for the negatives, stop overthinking things and just enjoy the moment. You can never grow if you hold onto the negatives, it’s just going to drag you down. You don’t deserve that, nobody does. Embrace the positives and to some degree embrace the negatives. Show them that you can get whatever your heart desires, let it fuel your fire and show the people around you that no matter what, nothing will stop you. Whether they are watching or not, they will see how truly awesome you are.

Now I have a lunch to go make and a bag to pack. Try and calm the fire and maybe get some sleep… Haha.

See you later awesome alligator! X