Here’s The Leaked Plot For Star Wars: Episode IX (Spoilers)
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Within a package wrapped in brown paper, the complete script and movie bible for Star Wars: Episode IX arrived at our offices this week. It appears not to be the work of a leak, but rather an egregious mistake by Lucasfilm Ltd. and Disney, who most likely scheduled the release of an EPK and accidentally messed up the date and contents.
The film, written by J. J. Abrams and George Lucas, promises to surpass even the conclusions of Lost and Indiana Jones And The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull for whiz bang blockbuster fun. Here’s what the geniuses behind Radioland Murders and Mission Impossible III have in store for us.
Here are the goods (spoilers, obviously)
In these documents, we have learned that Star Wars: Episode IX will run well over two hours, as the many threads of Snoke, the origins of the First Order, etc. need a lot of tying up. Also, new threads need to be created so another trilogy can be teased, and further spin-offs and television programs can be set up.
Within the film are periodic QR codes viewers can scan with their smartphones so they can buy…
