10/30 WC: Grumpy, Funky & Sick

I woke up grumpy today. I think it was the residue from the night before. I went to one of our local festivals, one of the last ones of the summer, and listened to some great music and visited with some friends I haven’t seen much of the past couple months.
Maybe it is that? That winter is coming. That the fun days of summer are gone. Maybe it is the fact that I work all summer and miss those carefree days of being free and getting to do whatever I wanted? Maybe it is the fact that summer went by so quick, and that time in general goes quickly. But we always, me included, seem to get stuck in some funky mood or thought about who did what, why am I not there yet, or needing to fill some empty spot inside of us?
I’m not certain what it is.
While I was visiting with friends last night I heard that a friend of a friend is ill. Brain cancer. She is young and beautiful, and I’ve visited with her a few times but she isn’t a close friend. Even so, I felt my stomach dip and tighten. Then, in my mind, I choose not to dwell on it and moved the conversation somewhere else. But I can’t help but think about what it must be like to wake up with that everyday. Knowing that her time is short, hoping that her radiation treatments work, wishing she could just have a carefree day.
Another aquaintence in my meditation group from Detroit is suffering too. She’s been battling MS for many years, but now I believe she has a cancer diagnosis and is receiving treatments. [sigh] My aunt just got a clear exam from her soft-tissue cancer diagnosis from a couple years ago. She has been doing treatments for over two years. Up and down, but when she had her exam results a couple weeks ago, my seventy-four year old mother went along and they cried when the doctor gave her an all-clear results.
Life is so damn precious and short. These summer days swoosh through and now their gone. My little baby boy who was born in 2003 is now headed to high school as a freshman. [swoosh!] I’m stunned and happy for him. But I can’t help but look at it all as a speed trap. That I spend too much time being upset at chores not being done, or messes in his room, and I forget to just be happy and be a better dad for him, for me.
I feel like I’ll be sad anyway when he leaves the house and moves on. I’m an emotional guy, but I can’t help but look at the temporary nature of everything in life, and the preciousness of it and wonder why we can’t just be better people? I suppose that starts with me seeing where I can be a better dad, a better person at work, and more aware with my actions and thoughts.
Here’s to a good upcoming week. May we all wake with smiles, but if you’re grumpy, that is fine too. Don’t let it dominate your day. It could be one of your last ones.
Be of good mind and good health!
