How to make friends and influence people
When you grow up introverted,your idea of enjoying things is different from others.If you tell me,bro go enjoy ,chill,I’ll go sleep for 3 days(# Biswa Kalyan Rath:Indian comedian)
Above mentioned joke is the story of my life.Being an introvert, the most important challenge I faced was social anxiety.I hated change.I became nervous around people.I needed space.I built my own world.In result I have fewer friends but they are trustworthy ,I can assure you that.I never showed interest in other people's feelings nor listened to their talk’s.No wonder why they despised me.They even called me “anti social”.
I learnt an important lesson that we all have especially I have my so called ego that refrained me from socializing and making friends,that’s the first reason.The other reason is that it’s in human nature that we love to feel important and want to talk only about yourself.I wanted to change that.So I started researching how to overcome my social anxiety (first reason),I came across “5 second rule ” by Mel Robbins.It tells about the functioning about human brain that our brain work on patterns .Our brain do not like change.According to her there are only two sides of brain:
- Emergency brake.
Our brain loves to work at Autopilot.As soon as we try to learn something new our brain pulls emergency brake.That happened to me every time I wanted to talk to anyone, I felt interesting.My brain pulled emergency brake.For the sake of change I started applying 5 second rule whenever I found anyone interesting I went to them in 5 seconds and talked .If i did not follow the rule by brain pulled emergency brake .I started thinking what that person will say,.They will make fun of me etc.So to overcome my overthinking habit,i used 5 second rule frequently.It helped me in breaking bad habit and triggered positive behaviour.
Now I got the courage to go to someone but what I am going to talk?The second reason kicked in.To overcome second reason I recently got a chance to read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” a book by famous American writer DALE CARNEGIE.It was a unique experience.I always thought why people despise me ,I have never done anything wrong to them.It turned out that I was so busy in my own world ,I never noticed them ,never paid attention to them.This was the biggest mistake.After reading this chapter “Do this and you will be welcome Anywhere” I came to realize my mistakes .Let me share you an example from this chapter.
“Why read this book to find out how to win friends? Why not study the technique of the greatest winner of friends the world has ever known? Who is he? You may meet him tomorrow coming down the street. When you get within ten feet of him, he will begin to wag his tail. If you stop and pat him, he will almost jump out of his skin to show you how much he likes you. And you know that behind this show of affection on his part, there are no ulterior motives: he doesn’t want to sell you any real estate, and he doesn’t want to marry you”.
Yes, you guessed it right it's dog.The man's best friend
The important take away is that “Stop being interesting and start being interested”.It means that that whenever you are making a conversation stop concentrating on yourself and focus on others because this leads the conversation going on.So I decided to take an interesting challenge.
I opened my facebook account and messaged randomly to my old friends and the people I knew.Interestingly 4 out of 5 people replied me in 10 minutes.They started with complaints that I never get in touch and mocked me for changing my cell number too many times.But I listened to them patiently and asked more and more about them and their life.Soon their complaints were over and we were discussing their problems.I showed interest in them,in their life.This helped me in gaining their trust back.Guess what I am invited to my friends marriage and we planned a get together this weekend.