M80; The Bahamas’ Most Wanted
The Bahamas’ Most Wanted
Now that the world’s premier tourist destination, the Bahamas, has officially adjusted its stride at being the world’s safest of them all, becoming tagged by U.S. law enforcement agencies as “dangerous,” with a 7 year record high homicide count, I took to the streets — unlike any other public figure would as usual — to scoop another day’s pay on the job marketing & selling cuban cigars/coffee along with copies of the country’s first ever Reggaeton premier, ‘Yo Quiero,’ to tourists visiting the capital Nassau city, New Providence Island.
The story pretty much wrote itself as I was arrested at East & Bay Streets by Royal Bahamas Police Force constable #3858 around 10 a.m. today as I peddled into work on my bike. The bike’s not licensed, and I awkwardly still have an eight year old traffic warrant pending. Gon’ figure.
Now the officer’s superior was understanding enough to have me escorted back to court #6 immediately, where the warrant was last addressed in 2012.
Now I was extremely grateful the court’s clerk informed me that the wrong birth date — the date that England’s Queen Elizabeth II & I don’t share, was recorded on the court document. I confidently took my seat and awaited Magistrate Evans to proceed with the matter. As I was called to plea, I reminded her worship that she had heard the matter before and I was under the impression that it was cancelled because of my being dismissed on the account of the 117 hour detention prior. She smiled and quickly asked me to have a nice day promising the warrant would be 86'd from the system.
Now unfortunately, Samuel Jolly, a recently employed member of staff to the recently renamed, re-established Melia Resort located at Cable Beach, was being detained and arraigned for $1,705.oo in unpaid traffic offenses. Her worship was only uncertain just how he got the job, if producing a valid ( 6 month) police record statement was one of the key requirements, denying his request for bail. Smooth operator. His cousin was in court and was given until 3 p.m. to pay the amount in full.
Now it was raining when I left the court house and I’m more than in need of taking the day off. But, we all know that ‘Day-cation’ is for tourists. I left an autographed copy of the ‘King of Junkapop’ CD with the court’s clerk, and that was enough accomplishments for one day, thank$.
Now the way things are going, I was either arrested to be away from my bike long enough for it to go missing so that I would have to walk home from work in the evenings, or the warrant is being kept active so that the police can always have a string attached. I’ve been advised by my attorney to produce a written retraction proposal to the Tribune, in regards to the publication’s defaming my character as the creator of Junkapop with Julien Believe Thompson. Having already defamed my character as having any business relations with The Vendetta Group whom they cover frequently, that is. And I’m still kinda following the U.S. National Security Association’s being exposed of secretly monitoring Bahamian telecommunications activities issue.