Softy Hits Hard

by M80

Sidney aka Softy, still a bit stiff neck!

Now that the world’s premier tourist destination, the Bahamas, has officially adjusted its primitive road & traffic system like actually enforcing a much needed seat belt law in 2008 which came into act during March 2002 for starters. I took to the streets — unlike any other journalist alive would as usual — to scoop another thrilling tale of the deadly ‘Night Rider.’

Driving drunk; It’s a criminal offense that countries worldwide prosecute and now it’s back at my doorstep, having survived being hit by a speeding car in 2011 the week of Rihanna’s awkward tweets declaring her newest discovery, the Bahamas, and being hit by a car aggressively driven by Her Majesty’s Prison officer Jamal Cash as published April 23, 2015. Clearly driving under the influence of some extremely powerful mind altering substance, Sidney aka Softy (white car) L/p# 167314 J.B.R. Building Co. nearly killed someone, if not himself, in an outrageously unbelievable car wreck at Saxon Way & Mccollough Corner (Mason’s Addition) last night around 7:17pm

Speaking of awkward tweets, Flo Rida, one of the hottest rappers alive dropped one on the deck Friday saying he’d be in the Bahamas soon, having set sail aboard NFL star Rob Gronkowski’s party cruise.

Me and Flo Rida (Sunday)

There I was at the dominoes table of the Symonette’s Bar across from a parking lot on Saxon Way, when we all stood shocked & amazed to realize a car in the lot speedily reversed into another real hard. Then 0 to 100 real quick, the car took off like a jet on a runway flying out of the lot heading about 50 yards west up Mccollough Corner, which is a one way road traveling east. The driver lost control, and collided with an oncoming truck which totally lost its right rear end in the impact. The car came to a dead stop as it slammed rear side into a tiny brick house about 10 yards across.

Dozens of residents in the area flocked out of their homes and raced to unveil the chaotic crash site.

Me and Waka Flocka (Sunday)

Softy’s head shattered the windshield from within, and he slowly regained consciousness, blood drained from his mouth.

At 7:30pm a Royal Bahamas Police Force vehicle silently, softly stumbled onto the scene immediately rerouting traffic west and blocking the road at its point of entry.

That’s when Softy became wide awake and had this brilliant idea to start the car’s engine with the key still ignition. However, I didn’t even give him a chance to consider his thoughts. Before he could blink, the key was out of his hands and inside mine, and the crowd went mad.

By 7:50pm two patrol cars and one ambulance arrived on the scene. They proceeded to process the devastating damage.

Now I don’t mean to sound philosophical or whatever, but, the bridge connecting New Providence Island (capital) and Paradise Island was recently renamed after World famous actor Sir Sidney Poitier. He and Rihanna shared a birthday Saturday, just as the United Kingdom’s Queen Elizabeth II and I do in April. Hear ye hear ye, the King of Junkapop says, yes! With people like Sir Softy out and about traffic fatalities in the Bahamas are obviously, most definitely on the rise.

Seriously, I think the new 100 Jamz FM’s Jam-bulance and the Liquid Courage Party Ambulance are so cute.

Two recent accidents left a cyclist and a pedestrian dead on the new Bahamian Riviera’s one & only, Baha Mar Blvd. The first of both fatalities late last year, was a tourist taking photos, struck dead by a garbage truck driven recklessly. The second was Craig D. Duncombe last week. He lost control of his motorcycle and crashed into a tree. The impact reportedly caused him to fall into the street, at which point he was then run over by two vehicles that failed to stop. He was rushed to hospital in critical condition where he later succumbed to his injuries. Craig spent a lot of his time intoxicated as he rented scooters to the tourists downtown Nassau. We fought several times. One day I got home, went on my knees, and begged God to remove him from this planet.

During an interview with the Bahama Journal - the newspaper/publication I used to write for - in November 2014, Minster of State for Transport Hope Strachan revealed that 37 traffic fatalities have been recorded for the year so far, she added that although the statistics are down when compared to 2013, the state minister stressed that even one life lost to an accident is one too many.

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