Beware, the Emotional Vampire
I’ve always had a fascination with vampires; there is something about their supernatural prowess, shadowy demeanour and animalistic cravings that intrigues me. In my book shelf is Bram Stoker’s classic Dracula: which is the foundation for many interpretations of the mysterious Count who lives in the dreary castle on the hill. Whatever it is about these ancient beings, I have come to experience that they are in fact very real; for there are those among us that have an insatiable appetite to feed off the emotions and energies of others’. These fascinating beings I call emotional vampires.
It’s important to note that our emotional states are a spectrum and operate in a range of subtle variances. Like most things, we have given emotions a dualistic nature: you are either happy or sad; calm or angry and we cannot classify complex human states so easily.
We have been taught to treat emotions simplistically and in doing so compartmentalise and limit them.
Have you ever been asked “How are you feeling?” and you fail to give a concrete answer or you provide more than one feeling? That’s because there are many ways we can feel at the same time and we constantly drift within this spectrum depending on various factors. There are so many emotions that words cannot even describe and if they did, would restrict the feeling.
We are not robots that can be tuned to a particular setting: no, as sentient beings we weave through subtle sensations like fish being guided by the ocean’s waves.
What does remain constant however, is our overall dominant emotional state. All the numerous emotions we can experience each have a particular frequency they give off. Just like a certain tone in our voice vibrates and carries with it intention and purpose, so do our emotions. Low frequency emotions can be termed fear-based and higher frequency emotions, love-based. These states still operate as a spectrum, but if you have more higher frequency emotions than lower, then your dominant emotional state is love-based. The opposite is also true; those with more lower frequency emotions have a dominant fear-based emotional state. It is in this fear-based realm where you will find the emotional vampires.
Emotional vampires can be classified in two categories: the first being the ones that do not know they are emotional vampires and hence are unaware of the effects they have on people. With this first category, you are more easily able to spot them but whichever one you face, the symptoms of their presence is the same: you feel physically and emotionally drained after spending time with them. First category vamps play the victim role and often blame everyone and everything else but themselves for their life being so wrong. They often only communicate to offload and the conversation is usually one-way and solely to their benefit.
Then there is the second category vamp: the more seasoned and hence more sinister kind; they are fully aware of the effects they have and intentionally do you harm. In fact, they may enjoy it! It’s the second category vampires that are very good at putting on masks that make it difficult for you to spot them. It may take months or even years for you to realise they are vampires and usually by that time they have plugged their invisible emotional tentacles in your energy field and are slowly sapping the life from you. By this time they are in your close social circles or in key relationships in your life.
The most malignant ones can make you believe you're unworthy of the most abundant resource humanity has to offer: love.
These vampires prey ruthlessly on others’ and often seek those who have the brightest light. They are good at throwing you off-center and making snide comments that poke insecurities and question self-worth. You are then intimidated by their manipulative aptitude and often feel unworthy of some unspoken truth whispered by their false gods you feel inclined to worship. It is your submission to their will and your reactions to them that feeds them. They desperately crave your energy…
So is it possible to completely remove yourself from these emotion-sucking beings? No, I don't think so; especially when it is difficult to tell if a person is one from an initial interaction. But once you have identified an emotional vamp, simply put them in their place. Here are a few weapons that will put you back in control.
Limit time with them: As soon as you recognise the the ill-willed intentions of the vampires it’s time to cut them off. You can either cut ties with them completely or if you are still uncertain, then start to limit the time you spend with those you suspect are vamps. Take note of how you feel when you reduce the time you spend with them; their reaction to this is also an indicator. If there is an over-sensitive or over-reactive response, then that is a sign that you are tampering with their nourishment and they will not like that.
Do not let them in emotionally: This is a tactic I use if the emotional vampire is someone I simply cannot remove from my life; like a family member or friend of a friend. I close them off emotionally by limiting my exposure to them. I stop sharing deeper internal truths about myself that may leave me vulnerable and tell others’ not to share my personal life with them. Basically, I keep it surface and shallow.
Create an energy barrier: When you are around them, visualise an energy barrier that surrounds you. Subtly make the suggestion that there is nothing negative that can penetrate this forcefield. Allow it to cover your whole body and visualise this impenetrable shield as you interact with them. Remember, these vampires are not physically sucking you but their intentions and thoughts are doing things in the intangible realm. This will aid in providing some protection from their attacks.
Emotional vampires are all around us, they do not look, speak or act any different than the rest of us. Hence you must be in tune with Your Authentic Self to feel the effects certain people have around you. Remember, they could be your closest friend or even your lover. But ridding yourself of these energy leeches is pivotal so you can fully maximise your progress. Now that you have read this, reflect on your interactions with yourself and other people and answer this: are you an emotional vampire?
Thanks for reading Your Authentic Self (YAS) Blog series!
Check our my latest YAS vlog episode: Your authenticity is your superpower
Look our for my YAS Podcast coming soon!