Are you a Green Sheep?
We are all familiar with the idiom ‘black sheep’ to describe an odd or disreputable member of a group. The origins of the term were best explained to me by a doctor turned farmer when he reflected on the birth of spring lambs: ‘…a percentage of lambs are born with black or brown wool… black wool cannot be dyed… they are more often than not killed for their meat to save the cost of feeding and rearing.’
While the ‘black sheep’ of a family is not culled (except on shows like Bloodline) it is often ostracised because, to some families, association with a disreputable person reflects poorly on the family unit. However, what about those that stand out for all the right reasons? Members who, comparatively and by way of their virtuous nature, stand out from the flock. Those who’s unusual precocity set them apart. Until I hear a better suggestion I will use the term the green sheep.
While a green sheep may not disgrace the group it may bring embarrassment or shame by virtue of their accidental or intentional luminesce of shortcomings of individuals within the group or the group on the whole.
What set the green sheep apart could be something passive such as refusal to adopt the group’s shared habit of smoking/gossiping etc. It could be something more dangerous for the group, refusal to remain silent about domestic violence, paedophilia etc. Or perhaps their creativity, sensitivity, life styles, values or risk seeking is not shared by the rest of the family and so puts them at odds with the group. Whatever the reason, or for a combination of reasons, try as they might, green sheep just don’t blend in and often make their clan uncomfortable.
So, are green sheep born green or made green through experiences?
Like Rohl Dalh’s Matilda, most green sheep know they are different from their family at a tender age. Try though she might to fit in and belong, Matilda’s unusual precocity and very nature set her apart. Despite, or possibly due to, cruelty being heaped upon her, an innate sense of strength grew. Eventually, she discovered the possibility that while she may face personal struggles that others in the group do not, there are better options for her should she choose to take them.
So, how do you identify wether you are the green sheep of the family?
It’s likely you already know. However, there are a few factors that are present when you are the Green Sheep. They include:
1. As a child you were considered hard-headed or uncontrollable.
2. You had a strong will and did not blindly follow directives just because family members said that you should.
3. You struggled to accept authority figures as all knowing and flawless.
So what do you do if you are the green sheep of the family?
Well, you could devote a portion, very small, of your energy to keeping familial relationships healthy while continuing to define your own identity and pursue your purpose apart from them. But it has been said the pursuit of two opposite and conflicting goals only lead to the failure of both. If you feel inner conflict between familial ties and the pursuit of your purpose it is time to reassess the balance of your energy. Only you can determine how big a portion of energy you can afford. You may need to take a temporary break from your kith and kin or perhaps a complete and permanent cessation from the arduous task of staying sweet with the clan you were born into is needed.
Whether or not you decide to give energy to belonging, understand that being a green sheep is more a reflection on the group than on you. Not all families believe and require that each family member have the same or similar values. But for those families who discourage individual expression, members who refuse to conform are deemed odd or worse.
It is also important for you to realise that you have moved out of childhood where the fundamental condition is powerlessness. You are no longer in a pitched battle between adults and children. You don’t need to squash yourself into a mould that you have no way of fitting into. Your individuality need not be a catalyst for internal conflict. Instead work towards appreciating the significant role your upbringing and socialization have played in your life’s unique journey.
Last, and possibly the most important of all, stop trying to meet them halfway or be understood. You do not need to be another family replica you just need to be yourself. You cannot please everybody. Please yourself first and concentrate on the few who admire your gumption and applaud your fierceness. Perhaps it is time to embrace a new group that will contribute to your ongoing evolution and with whom you can enjoy a greater degree of commonality.
It might be comforting to know that, in time, most green sheep learn to embrace their differences and be thankful for those aspects of their individuality that set them apart from others.
I’d love to hear from you, so if this piece resonated with you please show it some love. Also, if you have terms other than ‘green sheep’ to describe those who stand out for all the right reasons, comment below.
