Stop colluding with others and improve your Emotional Mastery

You may well be a caring feeling human being but you don’t have to keep proving you are by showing how much you hurt. Far more interesting and purposeful to show how you overcome. What you make of yourself in this life is far more inspiring than the hurts and obstacles we face.

One key way to improve your emotional mastery is to stop colluding with others.

When we collude the biggest result is often a lack of progress.

After a percieved hurt or dissapointment it is so easy to pick up the phone and ‘share’ your experience. But in reality you’re doing little to dissipate the hurt you felt from the experience and by sharing your hurts you are giving energy to your negative feelings, thus perpetuating the problem.

When we collude we soften our own accounability for the event and seek to merge our views with another persons in order to feel they are validated. You will find a hoard of people to collude with. Why? It could be as simple as trying to protect you, however, it is likely they get something out of it, perhaps on an subconscious level. By joining your pity party they get validation for why they can’t go on with their ventures. You have, without realising it, given yourself and them permission to give up and say ‘it’s too hard.’

Why do we do it? Well, putting asside programming and personalities, we are all social creatures who want love and acceptance. The problem with collusion is that when we feed negative emotions we invest time and energy into analysing the hurt and difficulties we face, leaving us depleted and unable to move forward. We meander and stagnate rather than explore and grow. It’s time to learn how to get out of the victim role by letting go of the hurt and moving on. This can be done through self talk exercises

If, like me, you are in the habit of colluding with others you may find it hard to quit doing it without swapping it for something else. There are a number of exercises suggested in an article by Medium blogger, Andrea Vega and inspired by Harv Eker but two that I readily use are both an exercise and intention pledge to yourself.

Exercise 1

__________, I now understand that what you did and said had nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. You were projecting your own mental baggage and bad programming onto me. I unknowingly let in your poison. I now choose to let that poison go and fully release myself from this hurt.

Exercise 2

Hi, my name is __________. I love and respect you, and I don’t give a f*@k about what you think about me. Have a nice day!

I’d love to know how you feel after trying the above exercises so comment below and hit that little green heart.

Here’s to you improving your emotional mastery one exercise at a time.