Let me start by saying, I hope you realize I was never always this way. I need you to understand that this is my body’s compensatory mechanism, shielding me from hurt. It’s been through quite a few, so silence is now its refuge.

When I take your face in my petite hands, I’ll love to freely tell you how much your eyes sparkle like the stars at night, how the thought of you not being in my life makes me wanna act out like Ramsay Bolton, how a future without you is unimaginable because wherever you’re is my safe habitat, but as a gangster, i’ll just peck your eyes, tell you you’re beautiful to behold, as i swallow the rest of my thoughts.

If I wasn’t a gangster, I’ll wake you up dead at night, staring at you with love and immense affection. I would take your hand in mine. In awe of you, I’ll mutter thank you’s and endless gratitude to you, as well as my Creator, for bringing such unimaginable and priceless gift my way, even without earning it. I’ll promise you the world, as I sing you love song lullabies never sung, but I’m a gangster, so I’ll just stare at you, take your hand in mine, imprint a kiss on them, whilst I draw you closer to me, as I keep the rest of my thoughts gently locked in a box called “don’t tell”.

If I wasn’t a gangster, I’ll wake you up in the morning with love songs, to adore you and remind you of how important you’re to me, to tell you how it’ll give me joy to raise an offspring with you, because there’s no one else I’ll rather make little beautiful munchkins with, but I’m a gangster, so I’ll just whisper “Baby, I think you should listen to this song, you’ll love it!” when all I want to do is grab a hair brush to mimic a mic, as I mime to that love song and put up a show just for you.

Those times when I randomly jump on you, it’s my way of revealing to you, that your body next to mine is the most comfortable place on earth, a moment away from you feels like being asked to walk on my head, for a year. Although I would gladly walk on my head, if you asked me to, if it’ll make you smile. I’ll walk on my head till Jesus comes. But I’m a gangster, so I’ll show I love you, than say I love you.

Till when I find you, I’ll work on myself. I promise, because if truth be told, I’ll rather learn to be more expressive with you, than lose you.


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