A First-Hand Twitter Timeline of the DeAndre Jordan Free Agency Saga

Around 10:30 a.m. Wednesday morning, ESPN’s Marc Stein dropped this little nugget on Twitter. What ensued was not only a game-changing day on social media, but an exhilarating ride through the madness of one of the most memorable 12-hours of modern-day NBA free agency. Here’s how it went down chronologically on Twitter:

Oh boo hoo

First Woj bomb of the day and we knew this thing was serious.

At this point it is unclear how Paul and JJ will be traveling to said meeting.

The first emoji tweet of the day, which set the tone for any tweet not containing an emoji to be invalidated.

Redick is traveling to said meeting in a 2001 Blue Volvo.

Had to.

Redick has been mobilized!

Twitter now at an all-time level and its only lunchtime. At this point i’m in Chipotle and everyone around must be wondering what the hell is happening on my phone.

At this point all communication through Basketball Twitter was done using emojis.

CURTAINS

Paul Pierce, probably logging onto Twitter for the first time all day, sees the emojis have taken over, but he’s so out of touch with millenials that he doesnt have the emoji keyboard installed on his phone. He has his brand manager text him an emoji and Paul, showing his age, copy and pastes it into his tweet. Paul also still calls the operator to find out someone’s phone number and has NetZero dial-up internet. (NetZero is still alive, offering cell phone plans for $10 a month and shotty internet service.)

Clippers definitely re-routed Lance, Ari Gold style and sent him to Dallas, not Houston so he purposely wouldn’t be at the meeting. Also, his tweet is invalidated because it doesn’t contain an emoji.

Twitter that is. How much would you pay for Twitter? $5 a month sounds right, or a year for $50. Anything above that sounds too high.

This was good. Stay tuned for another appearance from CyberDust later in the night.

Stay in your lane Adam! I know you’re jealous of NBA free agency.

This was also very good.

You late fam.

The first we’re hearing that the Clippers entourage may be holding DeAndre in a hostage-like situation.

No way this works right?

Coming off a strong morning on Twitter, Blake starts off the afternoon with a bang.

Charlie, the emojis are done, it was fun while it lasted.

I spent about 20 minutes trying to figure out if this was real and if a PR department at a professional sports team would actually put this out.

Once it was confirmed the Clippers were more or less holding DeAndre hostage until he could sign the contract at midnight, Twitter peaked for a second time.

Either Tyson just got on Twitter and wanted to get in on the emoji fun or he’s subliminal saying peace out to Phoenix since ya know none of the free-agent signings could be official until midnight.

Blake Griffin, running away with Twitter MVP.

Someone had to do it.

Broussard, A: was on the phone with Cuban, or B: was making all of this up. Also, outing Mark for texting and driving was a savvy move.

Update: If you picked option B, give yourself a pat on the back.

Blake already won and he knows it. Should have thrown that ugly-ass new Clippers logo onto that tent for good measure.

They played Spades right? The official card game of the NBA.

DeAndre’s Mom really brought at all the stops. Going hard for MOTY (Mother Of The Year)

CP3 is definitely one of those guys who thinks everyone loves him and can do no wrong. Meanwhile all his ex-teammates probably hold some sort of grudge, but would give dap if they ever crossed paths.

How’s this going to work? Five more alley-oops per game? More post-iso touches? (not a good idea) NBA.com’s John Schuhmann cleared this up for me.

It’s 2015 and Chandler Parsons might be the best player on an NBA team and Dallas is surely lottery bound, life comes at you fast.

This is when for the first time in my life where I and most likely anyone has ever felt bad for Mark Cuban, he kind of got screwed by this “moratorium” which will no doubt be nixed next summer.

I can only imagine Broussard’s mentions at this point, straight flames.

Somehow Greg Smith is only 24. I think he’s a pretty solid fifth big.

Just outstanding.

And there it is.

I knew it was coming, here’s the local media spin cycle.

Putting DAL in the same sentence with HOU and SA is….

Doubt Dirk would even want to be traded.

CyberDust returns. Cuban and DeAndre’s only communication was on the app right?

Wait, what? So you’re telling me..nevermind.

Legitimately surprised Paul knows how to upload a picture given his history with emojis.

If you’re still reading this, enjoy the video. It’s a perfect way to end this saga. Goodnight.

UPDATED at 12 noon Thursday:

Cuban speaks! (and responds to Cuban) Of course he does so on CyberDust.

Broussard and Cuban engage in a Twitter war for the ages. I’m genuinly happy they didn’t take this to DM or CyberDust. They just GTPWTW (Gave The People What They Want)

The annual lets pile on Chris Broussard day begins.

This sounds pretty legitimate.

UPDATED at 5 pm Thursday:

This is still going….and Chandler Parsons had to get a word in. (Per an interview with Tim MacMahon of ESPN Dallas)

Shots fired! Shots fired!

“He wasn’t ready to be a franchise player.”

Cuban don’t forget.

This is my biggest beef with what DeAndre did. All the free-agents are gone. Roy Hibbert? Gone. Tyson Chandler? Gone. Robin Lopez? Gone. Everyone else? Pretty much gone. He screwed them, even though he didn’t mean to, which sucks.

Here’s the full interview.