“By the department of justice definitions of rape, sexual harassment and sexual assault, I and every man I know has been sexually harassed, assaulted & raped in discreet, separate incidences.

None of us feel as though we’ve been raped, nor assaulted (a couple felt harassed but only at work).

I don’t feel victimized, should I be convinced of my own victimization? Is it important for me to feel the burden of rape, assault, harassment? Clearly that would be worse for me personally but am I simply in denial and therefor responsible to myself to force my acceptance that I’m a victim so that I become a “healthy” victim not in denial? If I forced myself to adopt grief, horror, pain, how do I know I didn’t force out feelings which would never have come even without denial? I watch people build emotional reactions to thoughts and fears which never materialize, and yet define their reality as if they were constantly real threats, can’t the same mechanism lead to me creating feelings of victimization where there weren’t any, even deep down?

My feelings are not part of the legal definition, so my lack of feeling cannot be a legal justification to deny the crime. Does that mean I should call in, file the report, and calmly explain, “I don’t feel raped but the justice department definition is clearly applicable I’m here anyway, btw I brought millions of other men.” Did I fail to report my victimizers? They’re still out there, all the women who raped, assaulted and harassed me and all the men I know, and they’re still capable of predation, still capable of victimizing other men, even if those men don’t know they’re being victimized and don’t find it emotionally troubling, it’s still a major crime and these women are still monsters?

Should women be arrested and outed by the thousands, by the millions? Making the same assumptions as present rape estimates, college male rape statistics imply more than 30% of your mothers, sisters, girlfriends, daughters, grandmothers and more are sexual predators guilty of harassing, assaulting, and raping millions of victims. Assuming patriarchy, professing (as opposed to closeted) male victims should warrant strong reaction such that male victimization by harassment, assault and rape should dominate female criminal cases for years. That would mean through these assumptions, if you’re a woman you’ve plausibly harassed, assaulted or raped a man forcing him into silence with your cultural pressure for him to be strong.

The CDC found that 67.4% of lesbian women reported only female perpetrators of IPV (intimate partner violence) and McLaughlin et al (2001) found that, in a sample of lesbian and bisexual women, 34% reported experiencing abuse in a same-sex relationship and 25% reported experiencing abuse in an opposite- sex relationship. What does that mean? Do men need to find spaces without women to feel safe? Do men need to build spaces where they can interact and discuss these issues and maybe learn why they’re victimization is forced so deep by women’s cultural pressure that they are victimized twice so the women can get away with it? Or do we need to just drop it and not rock the boat for so many unsuspecting women? What if the women don’t know they victimizing us? Should they be taught not to rape first and then only arrested once they keep doing it? Should men describe this as silent pain, or as socially engineered victimhood? What if this huge population of women predators wouldn’t be nearly as large if they hadn’t been victimized? What if this huge population of male predators wouldn’t be nearly as large if they hadn’t been victimized? Does the discussion inherently dilute female victimization? Should we start an open hierarchy of victimization? The law does, maybe make victims just aren’t important right now.

Maybe male victims should put tape over their mouths and assume the position until women victims have been properly helped. I know British female MP Jess Philips told us to fix women’s issues in order to earn the opportunity to talk about men’s issues, so maybe we’ll talk about our rape once no one sends mean tweets to women. Maybe that’s fair. We living victims didn’t cause the culture or its history but dead women lived it and living women deal with its artifacts and keeping the momentum of women’s liberation is more important then male victims, plus addressing male victims in the millions would clearly derail women’s liberation. Even talking about it confirms for the public that attention should be shifted to include male rape. The fact that all dead men dominated all dead women and living women bear the weight of that historical reality plus the weight of the cultural holdovers, means male victims within a historical lens have already had their say.”

— anonymous male friend