(261): Science Turns Submissive Mouse into Donald Trump

The Donald Trump mouse. A terrible photoshop: Mouse by Chris via Flickr. License. Hair from The Donald.

Great news! Science can now turn a regular submissive mouse into Donald Trump! Scientists have found the chemical switch in the brain that turns on domineering behavior, according to the Guardian newspaper. So, my hope is that they figure out a way to turn it off too. That way, if we just reached up under The Donald’s ridiculous yellow toupee and shined a laser on the proper spot, we could turn Donald Trump back into a regular human being. Of course, I’m not altogether sure he was ever one to begin with.

So is this the method they’re using in that mythical Trumpublican locker room that turns his inner circle into fact-denying assholes who act like a junior high school bully gang? Another option: a ninja gang of scientists who could turn on the alpha male effect in everyone in Trump’s inner circle. Then there might be a grand melee showdown and the entire Trump presidency would just implode once and for all, instead of this drip, drip, drip.

I think it’s time to just get all the pussyfooting out of the way and open up an arena where all comers could wrestle Trump for the presidency. I think this would also solve the Pence problem. There’s no way the VP could score a takedown on The Donald. Where’s Jesse Ventura when you need him? Oh. Mexico? Hold up on that wall, will you guys?

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