This is my life; I have been underdosing myself in an attempt to wean off opioid medication, and as a result, my chronic pain (that is always there no matter what) has been turned up slightly. I keep telling myself I can get used to it, but it has curtailed much of my activities. A good day is when I can do my household and yard chores despite the pain, and a bad day is when I lie in bed groaning and squirming because the pain is too great.
Tolerance is a big part of my problem; I’ve skated at the edges of requiring something stronger than what I have, and that would mean extra restrictions and hoops to jump through. I don’t want to go there, because of the mental stress and real mental damage such a state does to me, so I try to short-dose to allow my tolerance to drop. In that way, I can remain on the lower scheduled opioid and have a slightly easier time actually getting the medication.
I had never heard it called “addiction medicine,” but it makes sense. It does seem that I am encouraged at my pain clinic to restrict my dosages and because I do this, I am compared favorably by the pain doctor to “all the other patients,” who always want a higher dose or stronger medication. Like I’m some sort of saint or something. Hardly. I’m just trying to get off the pain train like all the other poor sods who had the misfortune to suffer chronic pain conditions.
I really enjoyed your post. I suppose they call this “outrage porn” on my part. I need to vent every now and then. 😓