How To Lose Your iPhone In Nairobi

It’s one of my boy’s birthday and the bugger has switched off his phone. Ok, no worries. I’ll pass by Double-Tot, get a bottie and a double shot then think about him.

The moon is already shy on the eve of the 3rd week so that it’s dim and dark in the back of Creatives Garage. Young silhouettes move about in all directions looking for friends and connections like atoms in a high school microscope. 10:03 PM and the loud speakers are still whispering. It sucks to be young when your fun is always curtailed by, should I say paranoid stuck-up adults? Someone needs to save Creatives Garage from its not so cool neighbors doh-like, just one Friday a week and you can’t let the youth be youthful?

Jackets hung and swing loose at the entrance as if you have to buy one to get into the party. They are all selected 2nd hands trying to land a 3rd hand after some kitenge facelift. Their quirky and care free designs reflect their sellers’ first impression — cool, young, ambitious and ready to know you if you are cool enough to be known by my squad.

Welcome to NUrobi. Home to Creatives Garage, the coolest auntie and BFF to Nairobi’s new creative generation. Each day as you do your routine thing, they open their doors to throngs of young creatives and their friends to work, play and connect. As usual this Friday, the doors are wide open and the youth are here to welcome to their home, Mahoyo-a young creative duo out of Stockholm who are here on a collaborative project with Nairobi’s AfriNaLadi.

In this city, those that walk the beaten path do the same things. They love their music so much that they watch it on TV, have it on their phones and will come to your party to ask for the same! But here is a new world. Here, a DJ is not known for a signature tune but by the spontaneity of their selection. A tune no matter how good should never be played twice to the same crowd. That’s the meaning of fresh and also the reason why this music called The Wave is most likely to live up to its name and calm down after a short while. Like Trap and Crunk.

So Mahoyo plays this weird electronic stuff and I’m out in the lawn with some guys swigging straight from all kinds of fancy bottles. I fast realize that I’m in the wrong squad because these dudes don’t dig this music. So I grab my bottie off someone’s hand and bounce inside where as expected, the vibe is majorly positive. In fact, so positive that a random girl takes my bottle from my hand and after deep throat that almost shoves her into her sneakers, passes it to some bored bloke just seated in all this bass. It turns out he’s her bae.

So bitch took my whisky and gave it to her broke dude who passed it to his boys who then momentarily tried to hide it. WTF guys!

Feeling a bit used and my vibe beaten out of consciousness, I gather a small squad that drives me to The Alchemist. The new spot in town that everyone, from Berlin to Bungoma is talking about. It’s also my local to be honest and I feel so good to be here that I update my Whatsapp status from whatever it was to LIT!.

Staying lit, my young entourage that im trying to show the world holla at me that there’s some bush to be lit.

WTF dude, are you just goina go all Moses on us and light some bush like that?

Naah man, hard times bruv, hard times.”

Soon they disappear to the bush as I retreat to Upendo Corner where the salivating aroma of baking pizza tempts one to buy, especially when munchiez start munching. So brother, drunk like a fish and stoned like Steven pulls his iphone to calculate options.

I blink just once but my eyes somehow stay shut probably for 82 seconds …so when they finally open, my iphone is long gone.