I’m struggling !

In the past year I’ve struggled with a lot of things. Just like everyone else and just like every year, there’s always some kind of struggle going on I guess. Whether its internal or external we all have alot going on in our lives. This year is a bit different for me though. I’m re-inventing myself and its kinda scary!

When you’ve been something for so long and now all of a sudden you start changing that, it can be daunting to you and even more so to people who know you. So I’ve been a Financial Manager/Accountant for the best part of 20years. Yeah, I know, you probably thinking, how boring. But here’s the thing, even though it is a pretty boring mundane every month the same kind of job, I really enjoyed doing it for almost all of those 20 odd years.

This year though, something shifted in me. I did some real deep work on myself and I got very clear about where I am, who I am and how I am showing up in my life and in the world. This was by far the most valuable time, energy, money and effort I spent on myself in as long as I’ve been alive. So this work lead me to uncover my passion and when I was staring it in the face I had mixed emotions. Imagine being an Accountant (my job)and then discovering that you really connect with being a Life Coach (my passion). A part of me was excited because it meant I could start living into my purpose but another part of me was really scared because it meant I would have to let go of so many things that has become normal and habitual in my life. The thing about this work is that once you go deep and you connect to the part of you that knows, you can’t go back. You can’t unknow what you now know. You either move forward or you stay where you are and keep feeling unfulfilled.

So I’ve been leaning into Life Coaching for almost a year now and feeling uncomfortable at times, confident at times and completely frazzelled other times.

Feeling passionate about something doesn’t make you good at it. So I’ve invested in a course to learn how to coach effectively. More struggle, but so rewarding and adding value to my life. Through this course and my commitment to learn a new skill, I recognised that the struggle doesn’t end just because you’ve found your passion, it just becomes easier to navigate and stay with because you are driven by something bigger than you.

I got really clear about who I want to coach. And again this was due to some deep work and connecting to the part of me that really knows where my strengths lie. But again, just because you get clear on who your client is, doesn’t mean that your client will just miraculously find you. I want to coach women who are struggling to move or shift from a situation that is keeping them stuck and powerless. I want to help them evolve to the next level of their lives by evolving from the inside and letting go of the need for validation and permission from someone or something external. So how do I get her to come to me and trust me. I have to put myself out there. Market my services. Big struggle again! Marketing oneself takes a certain amount of confidence and tenacity. I had to dig deep and put on my big girl panties because again, this is bigger than me.

I launched my self-developed website, complete with content and pics. Yay! Big achievement ! But…..and there’s always a but……it’s not mobile friendly, it doesn’t have SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) and its written on an outdated platform. Sigh!

Back to the struggle and the drawing board. Luckily, there are so many Website Designers and Developers to choose from these days. Ofcourse I chose a woman, who knows her stuff and is currently re-designing and developing my website which will be launch in the new year. Yay!

So what I’ve realised and learnt in this year is that one can start re-inventing yourself but not without a little struggle, feeling frazzelled and sometimes just wanting to go back to what you know so well. But going back to what I know would just be so boring and mundane…..and I’m letting go of boring and mundane, remember!

The new year looms large, the new me is becoming and my life is changing in so many ways. I’m loving the shift, leaning into the possibilities and turning my struggles into strengths!

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