Crash Course in Sovereignty for Idiots

How about you stop voting for shooting everyone in the foot

By MARTIN REZNY

Hey humans, so, I was watching news recently and… We need to talk. This democracy thing, you’re doing it wrong. With Brexit now confirmed and the Trumpening on the horizon, I feel like this is a great time for a little refresher on what the point of voting is supposed to be. Spoiler alert, it’s supposed to help you get what you want. I repeat, what you want. Not the other thing.

I get it, voting for dramatic, bombastic sounding stuff or candidate is exciting, it gives you a sense of importance and all that, but elections or referenda are not the best outlet for emotional satisfaction. They are meant to be very boring and solemn, precisely because no amount of feels can make the reality go away. It doesn’t matter how much you hate the Muslim-negro-gypsie-jews.

They’re the worst kind, I know, but listen, it is a scientific fact that they are not the actual source of any of your problems. What you want is to have less problems, right? I’m checking because I’m not taking anything for granted anymore. You want to have more money, right? You want less enemies, right? You want security and stability too, I imagine. Guess what, EU aims for those.

It may sound surprising, but radicals generally actively cause instability and threaten security, which causes economic crises, as well as extremification and multiplication of enemies. Like MPs being murdered in the streets, or the Pound dropping off the cliff, or the initially your country loving would-be immigrants being insulted, thrown out, and turned destitute or even dead.

If you profess to love your country, if you want it to be sovereign, please think for a second longer and realize that sovereignty simply means for the country to be able to achieve whatever it wants. If a membership within some sort of union or another whacky grouping of states is beneficial to your country, it is in its sovereign interest, and therefore in yours as well, to remain a part of it.

Also, a bit of an advanced, pro tip — try to know what you’re voting for BEFORE you cast your vote. The timing there is really crucial. Seriously though, I wonder why that is that so far, none of the candidates promising to make some country great again, to allow it to rebecome the greatness that it never weren’t as they say, has promised or even formulated any great goals.

It’s just “We’re the greatest, let’s be ourselves more!” without any analysis of what makes said nation great. It’s like America trying to become more American by getting rid of all ‘em immigrants — as we all know, the least American of things to ever happen to America. Or a Britain getting more British by becoming less of an empire. Or Czechs thinking they’re Christians.

Dear patriot, ask yourself this: What makes your country great? Don’t stop thinking until you come up with an answer that no compatriot would deny. Then vote for that, NOT THE OTHER THING. Idiots are not good as leaders of your great country. Comic book villains are not good as leaders of your great country. Especially idiot comic book villains, two wrongs don’t make a right.

If you follow these simple instructions, I can guarantee that in one easy step, you will actually contribute to your country becoming great again. Now that it needs it because of the result of your last election adventure. There’s nothing inherently wrong about being a patriot, unless you suck at it, in which case, your contribution to the downfall of democracy may end up an improvement.

See, a silver lining right there!

#idontwanttoliveonthisplanetanymore

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