Facing Your Fear Is The Best Way To Overcome It
We all are born without any fears, like an empty page. But society and life leave a lot of prints on our pattern of behavior and way of thinking. We change our behavior as to how the society dictates us. Trying to conform leads us to a part of so-called `tribe` of modern society. Being different isn`t an easy task to complete, as the society starts cutting out such people from their tribe and leave them on the outskirts. Some people might say, that only strong ones can become different, but I wouldn`t hurry up with the answer.
We live in the world, where each of us needs food, money, position in a society, in a family and among friends. If we look at such outrageous groups of people, as Punks or Goths, we can see how difficult for them to live in the modern world and cope with the created rules and manners. They are different, thus they are not easy to find a job, as they don`t comply with the corporate style and look. Goths aren`t understood by how they look, even if they are absolutely open-minded and kind-hearted young adults. There is a stereotype, that you are strange person, if you wear only black clothes, dark make up and listen to some kind of harsh music. The point is that modern society is full of stereotypes and tend to label people as `good` and `bad`. Such groups of people tend to position themselves as rebels, doing things differently. I would agree with this point of view, as they have definitely less fears, than others, the ones that consider themselves `normal` people.
Thus, let`s take a look at these `normal` people in our society. We are going to take the worst case scenario, which is, unfortunately, becoming a common thing nowadays. A little girl, who is growing up in a good family, and is surrounded by well-bred people only. She starts going to school and her parents make her get only the highest marks. If she gets a good mark — she is a good girl. There is an analogy appears in her mind. A little girl thinks, if she gets a bad mark — she is a bad girl, nobody will love her. Here it goes, the first simple fear. Fear of being not loved. Is it a real problem? Not at all, till the time when she falls in love with a young boy and her marks at school starts deteriorating. She is afraid to go home, because she will be a bad girl there. There is a first real problematic issue in her head: `Love makes me a bad person. Is it worth to love someone? ` Apparently, parents will help her to deal with hers problems, saying that she is too young to fall in love with someone, that boy isn`t a good match for her, he is older and, actually, he is so-called `bad boy` at school. Parents are afraid that she might fall in love with a bad guy and ruin her life completely, even worse, she can get pregnant in such a young age. Parents think so, because they have their own fears, their own mistakes in life. The main problem is that parents try to protect their children from mistakes based on their own experience. Not many parents understand, that the only way to teach our kids is to let them learn on their own mistakes. We gain strength through the pain and attempts. If start worrying about your child`s next step and try to show her the right way, she or he will definitely fail. To add insult to injury, you, as a parent, will be guilty in his mistake and your child might blame you for this wrong step or bad advice. The best, yet the hardest way is to let our children make their own mistakes and faults and learn on them. You, as parents full of wisdom, should be there for your kids, to support them whenever needed, to provide help or maybe sources to cope with the situation, to give options, but not the advice, which is only right. You never know what can be right for them. Don`t forget about such thing as a generation gap, you might not even guess what your kids are dreaming about, as they can be quite reserved and speechless not wanting to disappoint their parents, not to be a loser for them.
Going back to a little girl, as she grows, her fears grow with her. The main task for the parents is to make their children stay free from fears. This is not an easy task, as parents can be full of their own fears and prejudices as well. When our little girl enters the university, she takes a position of a quiet and good student, the one that she was at school, but adult’s life is different. Instead of being quiet, she has to fight for a visible position among her classmates. Here, she has two options: first is to become even quieter than she used to be, avoiding her fears; and second is to face her fears. Fighting your fears is similar to fighting with yourself. She has to push herself to communicate with people she doesn`t like, tough and rude people. She has to learn how to joke with people, she never wanted to smile to. And finally, she has to protect herself from onslaughts and different attacks: some people might not agree with her opinion and they will confidently speak it out; some people might not like her or her confidence and won`t be silent at this point as well. The best solution is to face these situations. The best way to overcome fears is to meet them face to face over and over again. If you are afraid to do something — do it several times. If you are afraid to speak to somebody — find a reason to meet this person more often. This isn`t the easiest way for a little girl, but the sooner she starts to face her fears the sooner she gets rid of them.
Let`s go back to her parents. Apparently, they won`t support her in her changes, she might become a bit tough and even too strict at times, because she will want to show her parents that she`s different, that she`s not that little and good girl anymore. She doesn`t want to conform and agree, not now. This is a common process of changing. She doesn`t have to change completely, because such qualities as being kind-hearted, loyal, trustworthy and funny are very important to keep and never let them leave you. She is going to learn how to balance and how to leave her comfort zone and live on the outskirts. Living on the outskirts should not be scary — this is the point of losing fear.
In conclusion, it should be noted, that facing your fear is the best way to lose it forever. Every time you avoid your fear and stay in your comfort zone leads to supporting and feeding and letting your fear live inside you. Fight with your inner fears and the results will be not long in coming.