[Dismantling] White Privilege: Cookies

If there was one thing I could tell other white people to do with their privilege, it would be to have humility. And by humility, I mean shutting up and not taking up space.

“But Seth, what do you mean? I’m not one of those white people.”

But y’are Blanche, y’are. I am too. The sooner we admit it and understand that we all have work to do, the sooner we can do the work to dismantle it in ourselves.

So, what does humility look like? In the dictionary, it’s listed as such:

“Humility (noun), a modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness.”

This is a word I take into my anti-racism work. To me, having humility about the work means a few things:

I don’t get cookies

I don’t get a pat on the back not being racist.

I don’t get a cake for not being racist.

I don’t get a party for not being racist.

It’s not about feelings.

This is something I fuck up on a lot. I’m a queer femme genderqueer Cancer. Like, I have so many feelings.

I want to have everyone be harmonious, to love each other, to be in love with the world, and to not be racist. When I used to be called out for saying something racist, I would say something to the effect of, “No, we’re all the same. Color doesn’t matter.” Which sounds a lot like saying, #AllLivesMatter. I can say with some confidence that I am better than I used to be, but I still fuck up all the time.

And when I and other white people do (we do, we are human), it is important to process our emotions with other white people. Sometimes, we need to talk to other white friends about living in that discomfort, confusion, and to hold each other and ourselves accountable to do better, and to have humility about it. Burying our emotions and hoping they go away helps absolutely nobody, including ourselves. At the same time, mourning our whiteness with other white people is not the best option. White guilt is useless. There is a difference between processing your (very real) feelings, and spouting about how bad you feel about racism.

Kindness is an often-misused word. Writer and journalist Ijeoma Oluo posted this tweet a little while back:

Niceness avoids discomfort at all costs, often sparing the feelings of people who said something racist.

Kindness is saying what needs to be said for the greater good. Sometimes in order to be kind, people need to get real with each other. We need to tell people what they said was fucked up. We need to say it wasn’t okay. And to not dispose of them.

It is easy for us white people say, “What you said was problematic and we aren’t going to explain why, so you’re out of the club.” This is an emotional appropriation of a struggle that is not ours. White people need to have the stamina to explain why what this person said was racist, because like it or not, we have all done it. It is not humble to leave the room in a huff because you’re so outraged that your fellow white friend had the audacity to do something racist, like you most assuredly did yesterday but didn’t tell anyone about. That, my friend, is called white narcissism.

The best thing we can do is fuck up with humility. To do the work to the best of our ability (and a little bit more), and get out of the way.