#WomanCentered: ALIANA ALMAO
#WomanCentered is an independent project by conceptual artist and community organizer, Natasha Marin. Inspired by Women at the Center, a project created with support from the United Nations Foundation Universal Access Project. This series of interviews seeks to tell the inspiring, interconnected stories of women’s reproductive health, rights, and empowerment.
How has having or not having children affected the overall trajectory of your life?
I consciously decided not to have children during my twenties. Not having children has granted me the opportunity to travel and live abroad for longer periods of time, as an immigrant, not to be confused with an ex-pat. Having children would have stopped me from travelling so far. I’m from Venezuela, where most people have two or three children by age twenty-two and younger. Getting money to buy a plane ticket for one is much easier than for three or four, I could barely afford to pay for a single room in a house, never the whole house.
Do you feel pressure to fulfill an idea of womanhood that may/may not correspond to who you actually are? If so, please describe.
Well yes, Venezuela, where I was born, is known for winning most Miss Universe contests, a totally misogynist event in a male-dominated world, if you ask me. Some say it is the most popular Venezuelan national sport next to baseball. During my teenage years, I struggled with self-image issues, the pressure to be beautiful is strong and some people demand that you live up their standards, 90–60–90 measurements. I remember family members telling me: “You are so pretty, but you really need to get a boob job.” Some people call you fat if your body doesn’t fit those “ideal” proportions. Many girls get boob implants for their 15th birthday, some parents even mortgage their homes so they can afford plastic surgery, in hopes that their daughters win the Miss Venezuela pageant or get a rich husband. I resented this fake beauty culture, and the beautiful long-dark-haired, Latina stereotype. Then, at age eighteen, I shaved my head and refused to use make-up to rebel against the status quo. I was a bit of a tomboy. I also felt pressure to fulfil the motherhood ideal in Venezuela, but I was not ready to give up my freedom, so I decided to decline on both plastic surgery and having children.
Do you have advice for other women regarding birth control methods that worked well or didn’t work well for you?
I started using birth control after having an unwanted pregnancy and I was always forgetting to take the pill and that got me in to trouble. I took the pill for a few years and later changed to a ring, I went for the convenience of having a ring inside me for three weeks and then taking it out for one week, it was a bit more expensive, but I saved me from having to take the pill and forgetting it.
In 2016, openly discussing one’s reproductive choices is still considered taboo, why do you suppose more women aren’t having these conversations?
I personally love talking about taboo issues; I was always very open about my sexual preferences, birth control and abortion for example. I think bringing a human in to the world is a huge responsibility. If I can barely take care of myself how could I possibly provide a safe and loving environment for a child? That was my line of thought during my teen and early twenties. When I turned thirty years old, I stopped using the ring, I felt like I was ready to be a mother, in my circle of women we openly talked about birth control. Having a child in Venezuela with the current political situation is big no-no and finding birth control methods there is getting harder and harder.
Where are you on the continuum of self-love? On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being Kanye West), how much do you love yourself and how do you reinforce and/or improve this?
It has definitely increased with the years, during my teen years I felt like the ugly duckling — I was overweight and had an eating disorder. I was a emotional eater. During my early twenties I found yoga and that changed the whole inner dialogue. I started eating healthy and doing a regular yoga practice that shaped my body and mind, right now I’m at an all time high! Since 2012, I have been following the advice of a life coach, who wrote a book called Love Yourself More. Since then I have been on a upward spiral of self-acceptance and self-discovery — very aware of my self-defeating thought patterns and actively replacing them for more soothing thoughts. I stop the self-criticism and choose on a daily basis to keep my inner dialogue clean and supportive. You could say I started loving myself even the part of me I don’t understand — the dark side, the sad side, the over-sensitive me. I can happily report that I am my best friend now. I regularly make lists of positive aspects — things I love and like about myself and my life — and focus on all the good qualities, all the good feelings, enhancing the feeling of self-love and the gift of self-acceptance.
If you could go back in time and give your younger self some vital information or critical education about your body, your overall wellness, or your reproductive health, what would your advice be?
I would say Be More Fearless, and cut out anyone or anything that insults your soul. When I was young, I wanted everybody to like me and that made me terribly miserable. If I could go back, I would try to make myself understand that how I feel about myself is the most important feeling. I cannot change what others think of me, even if they like me or not. I cannot change the world, but I can sure decide how I feel about myself. I would also like to tell my younger self to stop engaging with abusive people. I would say, if a person bites your hand don’t go and give them your other hand to bite. I would say stay away from abusive people, disguised as friends or as family. Surround yourself with people who love and support you.
