#WomanCentered: CHRISTINE STODDARD
#WomanCentered is an independent project by conceptual artist and community organizer, Natasha Marin. Inspired by Women at the Center, a project created with support from the United Nations Foundation Universal Access Project. This series of interviews seeks to tell the inspiring, interconnected stories of women’s reproductive health, rights, and empowerment.
How has having or not having children affected the overall trajectory of your life?
I’m 27 and do not have children. As a newlywed, I’ve been fielding questions about my baby-making plans since I got engaged two years ago. While I realize most folks are trying to be friendly when they ask about kids, that’s exactly the problem: Our culture (and so many around the world) makes it socially acceptable for my uterus to become the topic of public discussion. I’m grateful I don’t have kids right now because it’s given me the freedom to fulfill so many other dreams. Yes, I eventually want children, but I’m also scared of putting other dreams on hold or even letting some go entirely.
I feel an immense pressure to accomplish so much else before motherhood.
Do you feel pressure to fulfill an idea of womanhood that may/may not correspond to who you actually are? If so, please describe.
I’ve been pressed to have children earlier than I am planning, but I will not back down from the timeline my husband I have discussed. I will have children when I am ready.
What I find hard to back down from is the pressure to devote myself completely to my children. I want to keep writing and making art professionally, but I also want to be a “good” mother. Being a working mother looks so hard, yet I know I can’t be happy if I give up my career.
I also don’t want to rely largely on a nanny to raise my kids. I’m still trying to evaluate what I consider a healthy amount of commitment to my as-of-yet unborn children. I may not know until I’ve actually had them.
Do you have advice for other women regarding birth control methods that worked well or didn’t work well for you?
I’ve been lucky. My body is not finicky when it comes to anything, whether it’s birth control or food. Observing female friends and family members, though, has reminded me of how important it is to trust your body.
Doctors make mistakes. Monitor yourself carefully when starting on a new birth control method. If something is wrong, tell your doctor immediately.
In 2016, openly discussing one’s reproductive choices is still considered taboo, why do you suppose more women aren’t having these conversations?
Because there is still shame, embarrassment, and peer pressure to fall somewhere in between “slut” and “prude,” “stupid housewife” and “overly-ambitious career woman.” Most of society still expects us to get married and have children. There is nothing wrong with getting married or having children per se, but these acts should be individual choices.
For some reason, total strangers have made it their business to tell me when they think I should get engaged, what kind of wedding I should have, and when I should have kids.
I just plug my ears to the judgment. These matters should hinge on personal preferences and responsibilities.
Where are you on the continuum of self-love? On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being Kanye West), how much do you love yourself and how do you reinforce and/or improve this?
6 or 7. I can be pretty self-loathing, but I still hold my own. I try to take time for myself and give myself opportunities to do what I do well.
If you could go back in time and give your younger self some vital information or critical education about your body, your overall wellness, or your reproductive health, what would your advice be?
To sleep. To relax. To see the benefits of working gradually toward bigger goals instead of wanting everything at once.
Que será, será, and in its own time.
