Christmas Miracle? Christian leader Piper rebukes Falwell Jr., gun ownership

Did John Piper’s heart grow three sizes this Christmas season?

In the past few days, something of a Christmas miracle has occurred, sending ripples — no, shockwaves. Yes, shockwaves! — through the fundamentalist Christian camp.

Piper, the unwavering bastion of conservative Christianity, wrote a piece a few days before the the celebration of 8 pound, 6 ounce, newborn infant Jesus, in which he annihilated Jerry Falwell Jr.’s comically horrific call for Christian students to arm themselves in favor of, you know, the actual Gospel.

Check this out from Piper …

I think I can say with complete confidence that the identification of Christian security with concealed weapons will cause no one to ask a reason for the hope that is in us. They will know perfectly well where our hope is. It’s in our pocket.

Say it with me:

Hermeneutical. Bitch slap.

It probably knocked Falwell Jr. right out of daddy’s old Italian leather recliner.

Piper even had the audacity to use scripture to back it all up, too, citing the numerous biblical passages that provide a convincing case Jesus from Nazareth probably wouldn’t ever sign up for Ted Cruz’s gun raffle.

A few days later, Piper was at it again, sharing an article which pushed the envelope. Written by pastor JR Vassar, the piece featured a headline that may have prompted readers to collectively drop their KJVs:

A CALL TO PRAY FOR OUR ENEMIES

John Calvin is probably rolling around in his unmarked grave. But if they were able to stomach the title, No. 3 on this heretical listicle just might pave the way for the anti-Christ:

Seek to befriend Muslim neighbors for the sake of Christ

Ahhhhhhh, no he didn’t!

I imagine conservative readers reacting much like Walter Donovan in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade after he chose poorly.

The response to Piper has been about what Rob Bell would expect — reminiscent of the same courtesy Piper showed his fellow evangelical pastor a few years ago upon the release of Love Wins.

Among the hyperbolic rants from the super-duper offended Smith & Wesson sycophants, a few of my favorite include …

I am a pastor. I have my CCW. I see no Biblical warrant that would preclude me from doing so.

(Is it too late to send him a Christmas gift?)

I think I’ll continue to be a weapon carrying Christian regardless of what any of my fellow Christian’s teach.

(AND THAT INCLUDES THAT HIPPIE JESUS AND HIS STUPID, GIRLY ROBE)

King David, a man next to God’s heart, has a sling shot and sword to fight and follow the instructions of God, but he never abused it.

(Everyone knows the modern equivalent to a slingshot is a Glock 17. Eat LEAD, Goliath!)

Like Bell, Piper has crossed a line with the fundamentalist crowd. There are a few things when it comes to conservative evangelism you must never, ever do: doubt God’s willingness to barbecue you and your loved ones, vote democrat, and threaten second amendment rights.

It’s the one false idol they cannot live without.

The nonviolent enemy love exemplified in Christ — you might say he was willing to die to make his point — has been well documented by modern scholars like Benjamin L. Corey and the late Walter Wink. And this wasn’t even a revelation to Piper, who has long admonished owning a gun.

But his timing? It’s almost cosmic.

This election year has brought out the gun-toting bigots, who have paused their Duck Dynasty marathons to support Donald Trump and fan the flames of his Burn-Your-Enemy-and-Neighbor-Too-If-They-Qualify hatred. Their more educated peers have dropped Ben Carson, whose Bell-esque there is no literal hell lost him support, in favor of Ted Cruz.

Who might actually be worse than Trump.

Now, I’m not quite sure how conservative Christians align Cruz’s, “I don’t know if sand can glow in the dark, but we’re going to find out” with “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you,” but it doesn’t matter. There isn’t an outside argument compelling enough that could ever evoke change from the Westboro Baptist-lite Christians in America.

The bizarre dissonance between American Christianity, who claim to follow Jesus, and war-mongering, gun-obsessed politicians has had over 60 years to calcify. If change is ever going to happen, it has to come from within.

And that makes Piper’s proclamations a Christmas miracle worth celebrating.