Day 175 — First Appointment

I had my first CBT session today. Remember back when I made a call? Well, now was the time to take action and work towards some new things, face to face.

My anxiety has been fairly under control lately, with the exception of a few nights recently where my chest has been tight. The attacks have been sporadic more than anything.

My depression is another thing completely. I feel like I’m starting from zero again right now. It’s so hard to bring myself back up. I’m not good at ‘making face’. I feel how I feel and that shows.

The reason why I made this call in the first place was to find a way to cope better with my highs and lows in life. I met my friend Chevy a couple of months ago and he told me that yes, life does go up and down, but I need to learn how to ride that wave and bring myself back up again. I want to be more emotionally intelligent and be aware of things that I can do to improve my mood.

I met my Therapist in the hallway of the centre and he walked me into his office. He was a lovely bearded Irish man who seemed really nice. His beard added some much-needed age to his face but I didn’t feel that the man sitting in the chair opposite me was much older than me, if not the same age.

We began our chat by trying to uncover what triggers my anxiety. The result was the same as before. Beyond sleeping, I don’t know why it creeps up. I said that a temporary doctor said that it could be because of the stresses that I carry around during the day and how I distract myself until it’s time to sleep and my guard goes down, which leads to an attack. I at least like that idea, it makes sense to me.

Then we moved on to my depression and the effect that it has on me, how long I’ve had it and so on. It all felt quite routine.

He introduced me to CBT and told me how it works, then gave me some printouts along with a weekday and timesheet to fill in. We scheduled our next session and off I went about my day.

The sheet has the day of the week going across it and the time going down it. I have to fill in what I do throughout the day in two hour segments. This is so we can see what I spend my time doing and review it.

I hope it helps me find out something I don’t know.

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