Day 211 — I had a panic attack at a party

I’ve been sick for the last week and busy with my brother’s wedding, hence the lack of daily posts. I’m finally feeling better now so I can finally talk/write again.

So I was out with some friends recently when I started to feel a panic attack coming on. Everything suddenly got louder, I started sweating and felt so isolated even though I was surrounded by happy people. It’s difficult to describe how alone I felt in that moment. I have never had an attack like this before, out in public with so many people around.

I had to think quickly. Voices were getting louder and I was growing more uncomfortable with each passing second. I decided to take myself out of the equation and leave to get fresh air.

I couldn’t believe that I was even in this situation where my anxiety and mental health was impacting my life again. When I would go to therapy, I had to fill in a form that asked if I would avoid doing something like seeing people because of my mental health and for the last few months had always selected ‘no’. Yet here I was, leaving a room full of people because I couldn’t hack it.

I left and saw people from the party smoking outside. Perfect. This won’t be awkward at all. So then I decided to just start walking away.

Recently I have been dealing with my attacks by eating some fruit to give my body something else to do rather than feel like the world is going to stop. So I walked over to Sainsbury to get some oranges (whatever the little ones are, I call every orange fruit an orange, sue me).

Oranges and milkybar bought, I still had this attack coming on. So I found a quiet street and just waited for it to come and happen. My therapist said it’s alright to just let it happen and get on with things after, process it later. So that’s what I did.

I ate my snacks, had my panic attack out in the cold, composed myself and then walked back into the party.

I got through it and I’m really glad I went back to the party too. It wasn’t the end of the world and I learned from it.

If something similar happens again down the road, I’ll probably deal with it in the same way.

I hope this post can help you in some way.

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