Day 220 — What Surrounds Me

I’m a part of a Facebook group where we’re encouraged to share Three Great Things from the day in a bid to remind us of the good that we have in our lives. I use the group sporadically but keep the notifications on to see the light in other peoples lives.

So, it goes without saying that I haven’t been myself lately. I’ve been scared of writing, scared of simply being. This week has been hard for a number of reasons. There has been a growing numbess within me. It consumed me this week. A severe lack of feeling. Lack of attachment to myself, to my life, to the positives that I have to look on and appreciate.

Today, something changed, this is what I wrote in the Three Great Things group today.

My depression has been crippling for me since Friday after a two week build up of negative thoughts and self doubt. I have been so low. My little black book is filled with things that I never thought I would write. But the ink in my pen doesn’t lie. I have not been happy. I have not been myself. I slipped back into what and who I was last year.

Today I attended an event called “Dissecting Race”, hosted by Consented UK. We talked about race, patriarchy, gender, capitalism and how it all interlinks. Half way through, I felt like the dark cloud that had been blocking my life for the last two weeks had been lifted from me. Suddenly I could speak like myself again, stand taller, smile again.

I don’t know what it was. Maybe it’s because I was in a room of people that were positive and I could feel hope. I don’t know. I’m just happy I feel better.

That is what I’m thankful for today.