Anger Management — Part 2
A misunderstanding, or the wrong person?
They say that relationships take work, I believe it, but sometimes that work is hard work! I’m sorry, but perhaps I’m confused, “Is it hard work to love someone?” I know that relationships will require change and sacrifice, but to sacrifice who you are and change into someone that even your friends or parents no longer recognize, sounds disheartening. Hard work is taking groups of kids to the amusement park, and they all want to go in different directions, and you can’t seem to keep them together. Sacrifice is going to the car dealer with your significant other, and you want to buy the Suv, but she wants the dodge caravan, and you concede because you’ve been conditioned to think “Happy wife, happy life” ( And all the women in church said…AMEN!).
Since when did being in a committed relationship means you’ve been committed and there are consequences for not agreeing with her? Hmmm, fix your dinner yourself, no kissy-kissy for you or the infamous sleeping in her full body burlap/corduroy sleeper (with no butt flap!). I think disagreements in any relationship is GREAT! Only a Stepford wife ( if you don’t know what that is…watch the movie) would say yes to everything, and a lobotomized husband won’t say much either. We’re all adults here; any disagreement in a relationship is instrumental in knowing your significant other.
There is nothing like the pressure and the stresses of disagreeing that strengthens the relationship; that is if you can learn something from your challenges. Sometimes, the way she says nothing or the way she may disagree causes me to want to yield, tone it down and consider “Hey…shes right” That’s when I come to my self, and I realize “damm…I’ve been dupped.”
Disclaimer: The following is not meant for relationship advice or application, but is for your general amusement at my expense because I’ve been thru it!
Time and events will tell you a story. Time will lay it out with clarity for you if you pay attention. You could have misunderstood something, but the rate or history of your misunderstanding, shouldn’t be the norm. If you’re always saying your sorry and she is almost always the receiver of such apologies, this may be something worth noting. Whoever said “Love is never having to say I’m Sorry” ( a take from another old movie!) was possibly over medicated. But, if you’re always saying you’re sorry to someone perhaps they may need a sensitivity adjustment because in life you will get bumped and hopefully few bruises in life.
When two people love each other, I’ve experienced both of us saying how sorry we were, and not one sitting back in silence graciously accepting the apology because it seems to vindicate and relieve them of any participation in events.
Have you ever had a recurring dream or nightmare only to find out that you’ve been awake all the time! The same disagreement, the same topic, the same “You Left The Tiolet Seat UP!” Sorry, wrong analogy! The object of your affection only listens long enough to respond, not to understand how we’ve arrived at this moment of tensions. “If YOU would have; If YOU wouldn’t have..” It seems to be all your fault, and no matter how you try to explain how you honestly didn’t mean it, you’re still guilty as emotionally charged.
I will forgive, but I Will NEVER Forget!
What a paradox! Perhaps there is hope when this person reached the advanced stages of geriatrics they will forget every “Hoover Dam” thing! Maybe the relationship. Why on earth would anyone want to burden themselves with remembering the details of how you hurt their feelings.
When I was married, I could share experiences that would make a grown man curl up in a ball and weep…for days! Dam, I did do that didn’t I! But, I can not begin to recall details, I’ve forgotten most of it (except that…) and moved on with the help of advanced distraction therapy. As time passes on, you may realize that misunderstandings have nothing to do with being with the wrong person. Hey, I’ve driven a car with an underinflated tire and ruined the whole tire. I wore shoes that were too tight, and I cause problems with how I walked.
Unlike the Hulk who was always angry (except when he was mild-mannered Bruce Banner). Happy was what I bought into the relationship, and somehow I allowed someone to siphon it all away. Why do we love to give things away? From our money to our peace, happiness and then our Power. The power to say no, no to the constant badgering, no to the addition to social media, no to not investing in the relationship and no to being treated like your tolerated.
I’m Just Sayin.
Going Against The Grain